Thankful #5: Thank You is Not Enough

I started to get on Facebook this morning to complain about the fact that on Veterans Day, when my husband could and should be off work and spending time with his family in celebration of the fact he's made it safely home to us so many times, he is going to be driving all over creation participating in various Veterans Day programs, whilst Americans who haven't made nearly the sacrifice, sit at home watching television.

But then I remembered where I spent last Veterans Day.



And I decided that I'd just go on ahead and shut the hell up.

 

Because even though I don't see my husband nearly as much as either of us expected when he took this assignment. I see him. Nearly every day. And even though he has to spend the whole day away from home when he should get a rare weekday off, he'll still come home at the end of the day. And those white markers mean that someone out there isn't seeing their loved one anymore at all.

I remember thinking that day at Arlington, walking with two veterans that are near and dear to my heart as we found the near dozen headstones of folks buried in section 60 that we had known, how I needed to really soak in the feeling of that place, and the smell in the air, and the leaves under my feet because I was in the company of incredible heroes on a day to celebrate their very existence. How lucky I was to be able to honor these Americans on this day, in this place. My heart was filled with such gratitude and my eyes were filled with tears.

 

And then I looked up at the men stopped in front of me (Erik and our friend Mike), looking down at the gravestone of their fallen Battalion Commander, and I realized that I have spent nearly every day of my married life in the company of heroes. And my heart is almost always filled with this sense of gratitude. 

 

But I suppose it's because I know something that most people don't. You know, it amazes me when people say they don't know anyone who has served in the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan because nearly every young man in my life has. I guess that's just a product of living this lifestyle but I can't imagine a life without the ups and the downs and the hellos and goodbyes. It seems so foreign. It seems so ordinary. How lucky I am to be surrounded by brave men and women, willing and able to, at the drop of a hat, pack up and leave their families for places unknown to many of the rest of us. My meager contribution to society (what ever it was or may be) can never, ever compare.

 

How grateful I am to have known some of these brave men and women. How honored I am to call them friend. How thankful I am to live among them, in this great nation. On this day, as well as many others during the year I make an attempt, however small, at showing my gratitude to those who've put their lives on the line for our country. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

 

Thank you.

Thankful #4: My In-Laws.

I like my parents-in-law.

And I'm pretty sure they like me too.

Do you know how much easier this makes life?

I admit that sometimes I get a little irritated with them, for whatever reason. But not only am I sure the feeling is occasionally mutual, but also, I get irritated with my own parents the same way.

They really do love me like I'm one of theirs, and I love them like they're mine. Pat is no less likely to call me to chat than my own mom, and every summer Ken sends me a picture of a cherry limeade from a Sonic he stopped at during his travels because it made him think of me. I feel like I can talk to either of them about anything, and I really feel like both of them speak very candidly to me as well. I don't think twice about spending time at their house, even if Erik isn't around and man alive do they love my kids. It's hard not to love people who love the hell out of your kids.

I'm really, really grateful for the new family I got when I married Erik.

Full Disclosure: I Have Great Friends

The number of messages, emails and texts I received in response to my post about my unhappiness in my current situation has been quite surprising.

I have said several times that I really only write on here for myself usually, so to know so many people are reading is kind of nice. Though I wish I had known before I posted something so damn whiny, because I'm not usually like that. But I guess if you're reading this you know me, and you know I'm not that whiny.

So thanks for all the uplifting comments and the complements. I've been feeling so discouraged not only with my status as a stay at home mom, but my feeling of absolute incompetence at the job - to the point that I wondered if I was supposed to stop having children. It's comforting to know I'm not alone in this sometimes discouraging journey. Moms I thought had it all together have told me that they feel the same way, which is the most comforting thing of all. Even supermoms get the blues.

2 Months (like 3 weeks ago...)

Thankful, Day 3.

I was a pretty angry kid. I don't like to think I had a bad childhood. In fact, I didn't really think I had a childhood much different than anyone else's ("Every one's is hard, isn't it?") until my mom recently told me otherwise.

I won't go into specifics except to say that I don't speak to my biological father, and I haven't for some time. He isn't a good person, he wasn't a good father and he wasn't a good husband to my mom (or the other handful of women he has married). And it's my understanding that he's now reaping what he's sown. Alone.

I have spent a lot of time in my life overcoming the feelings he hurt and the emotional damage he did. But I've spent a lot less time than someone else might need, because my mom and step-dad (though I call him dad) were there to pick up the pieces he always managed to leave in his wake.

They pushed and prayed and protected and worried, I'm sure, more than I'll ever understand. They took me to counselors, and talked and lectured endlessly. My mom told me she used to get physically sick when she had to let me go over for my visitation every other weekend (or whenever he could get around to picking me up). But somehow they raised me to be a productive member of society, and I'm sure it took even more work because I was already sort of in the negative. It took some time but they fixed me right up. They helped fix the damage someone else might just be doomed to live with forever.