Gratitude Month #2: My Sweet Babies

How does a person even begin to describe how grateful they are for their children. It seems impossible to put all these feelings into words.

I've never met anyone whose made me happier for merely existing, made sad (for growing so fast or for when they're in pain), made me worry so much (about every.single.thing), made me laugh so hard or made me more proud. And I've certainly never met anyone as stinkin' cute as these little curtain crawlers of ours.

I'm grateful that these Little's make me try harder every day to be a better person. In fact, they make me want to do everything better. I try so hard to put good thoughts in their head and feelings in their heart and good food in their tummies. And I'm grateful that in turn they've caused me to put better food in my own tummy, better thoughts in my own head and better feelings in my own heart. I'm so grateful for the impact they've made on my life. It's true that you never really know love until you're a parent. You can think you do, but you really, truly have no idea. I am so grateful that they've shown me what this love is. I don't know how I lived so long without my heart being as full as it is now that they're in my life.

G is such a hilarious addition to our family. He's as quick witted as Erik is, he's smart, he's independent, he's charismatic, he's creative, he's tough, he's aware, he's precious, and he holds everyone in our family (grandparents included) in the palm of his hand. He's one of my sweetest friends. I live for "I zhove you, Mommy." And he loves his baby sister. I am so, so, so incredibly proud and grateful that he's ours.

Piper is such a sweet, smiley baby. I don't yet know much about her personality, other than she's going to be as active as her brother (though maybe not as great a sleeper). What I do know is that she makes us all so happy with her smiles and her coos. She loves us all so much already, as evidenced by the fact that she's always happy to see one of us and she lets us kiss on her sweet, chubby cheeks as often as we want. Well, that and that she's started sleeping much better. ;) It's so funny how much you can love a person that you really don't even know that well yet.

I'm also grateful that, along these lines, Erik is here to enjoy P's first year. I can't imagine how excruciating it was for him to miss all of G's firsts and I know being here for Piper will help him build a really special bond with her.

I'm pretty lucky.

Gratitude Month Begins with Erik

Well since I'm pretty bad at remembering to blog (though things are looking up, lately), I'm not going to do the daily thankful thing on here, but I do have a lot to be thankful for, and would like to expand on those topics, so I'll just sprinkle in my gratitude posts amongst my sporadic other posts. ;)

On the very, very, very top of my list:

I am thankful for my husband.

Erik works so hard for us. He's up at 5:30AM for PT (he got up at 4:30AM when we lived in HI so he could beat the traffic) and he gets home between 6 and 7:30PM, and helps me get the kids fed and in bed. He then retreats to the family room computer to work on his homework, and doesn't crawl in to bed until midnight or later. Although this schedule isn't permanent, it is permanent for the rest of our time here. He'll get a bit of a break when he goes back to Thailand this summer, but in order to get school done as soon as he could, he has to go with the flow of this hideous schedule for about 7 more months.

I'm grateful for the home he provides, the food in our tummies and the clothes on our backs. I'm sure it's a burden to know he has all these mouths to feed on his own, but he never complains and never makes me feel like I work any less than he does.

Even though I've complained, I'm grateful that his hard work affords me the opportunity to stay home with our kids. I may not be worthy of the task, but I can't imagine anyone else spending this much time with my babies.

I am grateful that he's strong enough and brave enough to have put his life on the line for our country multiple times. I am grateful for the times he's survived things he wasn't so sure he was going to. I'm extraordinarily grateful that he has no long term "side effects" of these experiences.

I am grateful that he's smarter than I am. And I'm grateful that he thinks that I'm the smarter one.

I'm grateful for the great care he took of me while I was recovering from having Piper. I didn't get experience that with him when I had Grant and it felt good to be taken care of, since I feel like I always do the care-taking around here.

I am grateful that he's such a sweet dad. And I'm everso grateful he helped me create these ridiculously sweet babies.

I'm grateful that he pushes me to go to church. It makes me feel like I'm living with my parents again sometimes, but I know it's the right thing to do - even though I'm really tired and would rather sleep in while I have the chance.

I'm grateful that he's hilarious and makes me laugh every single day.

October Little Things

This sweet girl got her 2 month shots. This was before. :(

 

G got a flu shot the same day. He was pretty excited about it going in. The nurse made me hold him down while she did it (which I think makes the whole thing about 10x worse) and when she stuck him he looked at me angrily, eyes squinted and said "Ow!" - he didn't scream it, just sharply, like he was super surprised that I was right when I told him they don't tickle. He watches an episode of Sid the Science Kid on Amazon about vaccinations and he's wanted a doctor kit and to get a shot for about a month now. In fact, not too long ago he got a pen and gave himself "a shot." Apparently he was pretty damn sick. And he thinks shots = stripes.

I don't want to brag, but 3 nights ago I got six hours of sleep in a row.

Erik's office lost one of their contractors (the contract ended), luckily for Erik, he's the one who has to pick up the slack. He doesn't get home until 7:30PM on Wednesday nights and has to be out of the house before we get up on Thursday. And on Tuesday. That, coupled with his school work means we pretty much never get to see him during the week. We all live for Saturday (nights - because he usually has to work days during the Fall to recruit students) and Sundays. Didn't we take this job so he could spend more time with the family?!

My YMCA membership starts back up tomorrow! I'm not taking P in yet though, so that means I can only go on weekends when Erik is home to stay with her. So... that's like one or two days a week. Yay progress?

Erik took G on some errands last Saturday morning, to get G a haircut and to the store. P was asleep when they left and stayed asleep the whole time. It was like I was alone for two.whole.hours. Apparetly as G walked past some ladies at the salon (we take him to the Smart Style at Walmart because they have a TV so he sits still - they do a terrible job anyway though...) and said "Hi ladies!" and then climbed up in his seat. Such a ham.

Let's take a look at those chubby cheeks again, shall we?

Cars still litter every available surface in the family room/play room. I'll probably be pretty sad when they don't.

Yeah. Please excuse our terrible end tables and that excellent glare.
We got the table at Goodwill last summer for $5 and have been too
busy/lazy/tired to do anything with it.

I'm knee deep in Christmas shopping. We have decreed that we aren't going anywhere for any holidays for the rest of the year. My mom is coming for Thanksgiving and it's looking like Christmas will be just us this year. We didn't want to drag the baby out and we wanted to spend at least one Christmas in this house, as we'll probably be gone by this time next year. I'm pretty stinking excited about Christmas this year. Grant is already telling me (and everyone who will listen) that he wants "Ho Ho" to bring him a doctor kit and some magwet cars. (Train cars that magnetize together)

This is the first outfit I bought when I found out I was pregnant. It's a 6 month outfit. Her body is so long, and coupled with cloth diapers we have to put her in 6 month onesies pretty much all the time now. The other day she wore a 9-month tunic shirt. She better stop growing - I only have clothes for her up through 9 months.

On Saturday night we had a family movie night. I selected Lilo and Stitch. Erik nor I had never seen it before, and I knew it was set in HI which G I thought G would get a kick out of. It was adorable and G has asked to watch it every day since (though I've only allowed it twice more). The Hawaiian music, the dancing, the accents - man I miss our island home. I think how wonderful it would be to be stationed there again, but then I remember it could never be the same as it was.

Living in a split-level home has it's challenges. I have this thing where I try to take something up and bring something down every time I go up or down some stairs. Of course, now that I have a baby to carry around, it's a little more complicated. Anyway, I'll often tell G to put something on the stairs so I can take it up. This is what usually happens.

And if anyone wants to come shampoo those disgusting things, be my guest. :)



Grant-isms: October Edition

G: That truck is full of toys for you.
S: Oh yeah? What kind of toys do moms play with?
G: Ummmm.... brooms and washing machines.

G, holding a toy: I'm shooting!

Grandma Pat/Sheena, simultaneously: How do you know about shooting?! ( Because seriously, no one discusses it in front of him and he certainly doesn't know about it from television)
G: College.
S: COLLEGE?!
G: Yeah. Do you remember college?
S: Vaguely.
G: Yeah, probably vaguely.

I'm upstairs with Pipes, G and Erik are having breakfast. Piper is crying.
G: That's Piper. She not like anything.

At the airport picking up Papa, walking to the car, Erik is leading the way:
G: Follow my fazur (father), Papa!
Everyone laughs.
G, to Papa: Do you know my fazur?
S: Papa is your father's father. Did you know that?
G: NO WAY!

S: Do you like Piper?
G: Um... Yeah... A linna (little) bit. She cries a lot, you know.

G: About what you talking? Facebook?
E: Facebook? How do you know about Facebook?!
G: Jesus is on Facebook.

G: I love you more ice cream!
S: Really?!
G: Nope. I was just joking.

G: Mommy, there is something's wrong with my finger.
S (upon noticing it's a hangnail): Hmm, what is that?
G: Oh... Just a piece of someone's leg
 

 

"Huprise!" = Surprise!

This is the face he makes when you wink at him.

Full Disclosure: Life's Not Perfet

I've danced around the subject for awhile, but I'm just going to go ahead and admit it:

I don't like being a stay at home mom.

I don't find it validating. I don't find it freeing. And most of all, I don't find myself worthy of the task.

But here I am. A) Because Erik is gone so much, I feel like my kids need a very reliable, always available parent and B) Because I can barely stand to leave my kids with a babysitter once a month, never mind have to do it every day.

I know I should be grateful for the opportunity to stay home, and I am, but that doesn't make feeling stagnate any easier. It doesn't make answering "no," when asked if I work any less embarrassing. I miss working. I miss adults. I miss having great stories to tell (that aren't about poop). I miss being really, really good at something. I am not good at this.

And I'm bitter because Erik gets validation and he gets adult interaction and he gets to pee with the door shut and he has great stories (that don't involve poop) to tell me when he gets home from work. He is really, really good at his job.

And on top of "getting to go to" work, he goes to a men's fellowship group through our church on Tuesday nights. (Yes, they have one for women during the weekday, but I don't have a sitter and there aren't a ton of stay at home moms around here, so I suspect they're all older ladies.) Anyway, the other day I flipped my lid on him for going to men's group and leaving me with two screaming children who hadn't been bathed, that needed to be put to bed, and were still reeling from being vaccinated a few hours before, all while I was still trying to do the dinner clean-up. I told him it was unfair that he got to go out and have fun and stick me at home with the kids. "I need a break!" and he said that I should just say something when I need to get out and that he'd happily help accommodate me, "but you don't have anything to do." Well, I could sure as hell come up with something. How about the fact I'm in desperate need of new gym shoes, but I can't try any on with G in the stroller pulling down everything on whatever rack he can reach and P strapped to my front? Ever tried to try on shoes while sporting a Baby Bjorn? Don't. It pisses off your baby something fierce.

I stay home all the time because I don't have any outside hobbies, because I can't get out of the house to pursue anything. How am I supposed to develop any more outside friendships or hobbies when I can't get outside these four walls and (even though I have absolutely no reason to) feel guilty for every cent I spend.

I'm not a hermit by nature. But I don't feel like I'm swimming in options. I miss living on an Army base, and I miss being surrounded by people who are more like me. And I miss the 10,000 things to do in Hawaii. I like it here in Mayberry, but I really can't wait to leave.

Here's the cold, hard truth:
He thinks he's doing me a big favor by providing for our family so I can stay home with the kids. And he is. But I think *I* am the one doing the favor by actually staying home. I am NOT cut out for this, I never was, I never wanted to be. I do wish I was, though. I pray for it. I try for it. I pretend like it. But I'm not. I need an effing outlet or my head is going to pop off. My kids deserve better than an angry, frazzled, frustrated, rigid bitch of a mom who stomps around all the time expecting perfection. Okay, maybe I'm not that bad, but I sure feel like I'm getting close.

So...
I think I'm going to take up running. That has to help a person blow off steam, right? Too bad it's already 30 damn degrees outside and I can only go to the gym on weekends. And I need new shoes.