Judging by the fact it's been nearly 2 months since my last update, I guess we could say I've been on a bit of a blogging hiatus, accidental though it may be. There has been so much going on - a birthday, visits from both grandmas, Erik was away a couple of times, Erik and I went away once, and most recently, the entire family boarded a plane bound for Bismarck, ND for Easter - more on that one later.
On top of all this, I really just can't seem to get a handle on my life. I don't know where my time goes during the day, but it certainly doesn't seem to go toward whittling down my ever growing to-do list.
I'm busy all day. I know I'm doing things, but they must not be the right ones, because I swear that no matter what I do, I can't feel a sense of accomplishment. Maybe all moms feel this way, but geeze louise! If the laundry is done, the floors are a wreck, if the floors are done, the kitchen is wrecked, if the bedrooms are clean, the laundry is piled up. It's MADNESS! I have no idea how people handle the chaos of more than two children. And I'm not sitting around eating bon bons here, either. Hell, I don't even have time to form more than a few coherent paragraphs and plug them in to my blog. I'm still sitting on photos and ideas from FEBRUARY that need to get on here.
Last night, Erik came home and asked "so what'd you do today?" and though I know he was just being polite and asking about my day, I wanted to rip his head off. "Don't you SEE what I did today?!" I wanted to scream. "We just arrived home from a trip last night! I packed lunches, I took G to school, I went to the Y, to a meeting and to pick up my McKean County Online Garage Sale Facebook Page find. I did laundry, I spoke to both our mothers on the phone. I unpacked suitcases, I drove 50 minutes each way to pick the dogs up from boarding, I cooked a delicious and nutritious dinner! I bathed the children for Gods sake! Do you know what a chore that is?!" And then I collapsed into a heap and fell asleep at 9:30, still worn out from the trip and wrangling children on airplanes as Erik worked on his homework.
The problem is that nothing I did yesterday is tangible. The daily minutia of staying home with kids is invisible. The diapers, the feedings, the drop offs and pick ups, the trips to the potty, the number of times a day I change someone's clothes. They're all invisible.
I'm sure Erik came home and saw the pile of mail still waiting to be sorted on the counter, the bowl full of compost from last afternoons fruit and veggie prep that needs to go outside (yeah, I'm gross, I put it off because I didn't have shoes on, deal with it), the floors, skanky from tracking all our crap in from the car, the boxes of still un-priced garage sale merchandise in our bedroom, the still unfolded basket of cloth diapers in the laundry room that I just decided I'm going to bleach and probably won't get to until next week. He doesn't complain, but I probably would.
I used to be organized. And I'm trying to be once again. And heck, maybe I am! But it's invisible organization. No one notices when you've gone to the grocery store, but everyone sure notices when you haven't. Same with laundry and the gas station/carwash and getting supper on the table.
And I'm seriously too tired to bring this point around to a closing paragraph, so that's just going to be invisible too ...
The End.
