Roadtrip Observations

For the last 10ish days, the babies and I have been in New Hampshire with Erik’s parents. They wanted to see the kids and I knew the kids (especially Grant) could use some time with them, so on Friday the 13^th I packed up what seems like everything we own and we (dogs included) set out on the 7.5 hour, but really 9.5 hour trek up through NY, across Vermont and into New Hampshire. The kids did really well considering. I’d say the largest obstacle was the fact that NO WHERE has any changing tables! WHAT is up with that?! In order for me to get to go to the bathroom, I’d unload the kids, change P’s diaper and G’s pull-up (he’s potty trained, but they just make road trips easier), strap P into the Ergo and then I’d get to go in and use the facilities. The one changing table I did find was so gross and rickety I wouldn’t have even let my dog sit on there. So seriously, New York State, let’s get on the changing table situation  please. This is ridiculous. I'm considering a letter writing campaign.

I do have a road trip tip: Break out your old CD’s. Jamming out to the Backstreet Boys never hurt anyone, and all my Now That’s What I Call Music CD’s were a seriously hilarious trip down memory lane. I still don’t know what the hell an Mmmmbop is, and I should have studied up because G asked me about ten times. Additionally, if you haven’t already tossed them, your old school edited version CDs are AWESOME again. I didn’t even realize I had mine, but the second I saw that Nellyville CD without the EXPLICIT box on it, I was thrilled. Did you know I love Nelly? And apparently I’ve loved him since I was about 16 and unable to buy the “real” stuff. Also, all those unlabeled CDRW’s that have been rattling around your house are tiny little discs of gold.

Sidenote: I did NOT realize how dirty Ride My Pony was until the other day. Geeeezus. I can't believe that crap was on the radio! (Although, in retrospect, what DID I think it was about?!)

More on the trip when I get off my butt and find my camera cord. :)

Musing

My mom and biological father divorced when I was about a year old. They had been married for about ten years at that point, but because I was so young, I obviously don’t remember any of it. My entire childhood is encrusted with drop-offs and pick-ups, let downs and the feeling of never quite fitting in with him and his new family (er, families). Thank goodness my mom married someone a few years later that treats me as though I was his own – and I am.
When I was about 22 I stopped speaking to my bio dad all together. It was kind of unceremonious, honestly. We didn’t even have an argument. We had had a chat a few weeks prior in which I really felt like he was on my side about something (I don’t even remember what, but I remember feeling like maybe we were taking a turn in the right direction) and later I mentioned to my step-mother that the aisle at the venue I had chosen to get married in wasn’t wide enough accommodate both my bio dad and my step dad giving me away, and I didn’t really know what to do. She said I should do what I felt was right. A few weeks later I called my dad to check in and I heard him in the back ground saying he didn’t want to talk to me, for some unknown reason that my grandmother later clued me in to – he was mad that he wasn’t walking me down the aisle (I hadn’t made the decision yet, though…). He called me a few days later and I missed his call, and when I returned it, he didn’t answer. I left a voicemail and that was just it. That was November of 2006. It may seem like that was kind of out of nowhere, but it wasn’t really. I think the fact I was considering not having him give me away at all should be a pretty serious indicator of the frailty of our relationship. And after all that, his entire family kind of threw me away. I speak to some cousins here and there, and one aunt once in awhile, but by and large they are done with me, and I with them. It’s fine, really. I’m fine, we’re all fine.
A few years ago, when I was pregnant with Grant, I sent a Christmas card to his mom, my Grandma P. – I suppose in a veiled attempt to show him where I am – and a few months later I got a really long letter back from her about how my dad was struggling with his wife and how she’s turning everyone against him, blah blah blah. I wanted to write back and tell her that it was that wife who had lied to everyone about my having decided to have my step dad walk me down the aisle and was the impetus behind our estrangement, but I never found the words or the willingness to open a dialogue. I put it off, and put it off and the next year, when I sent her Christmas card, I got nothing back. I found out later she has dementia.
Now as a parent myself, I think of my dad more and more often, mostly quizzically. How does one have a child floating around the atmosphere that they know nothing about? Does he know where life has taken me? Does he know I have babies and dogs and a husband that busts his behind to give me everything I could ever even possibly dream of wanting? Does he even remember meeting said husband? Does he google me the way I google him? I think often about contacting him, but I have to wonder if I really want him in contact with my kids. He’s not a terrible person I guess (though he's certainly not the best), he was just a bad dad. And I think he knows that, or he’d probably be trying to contact me. Or maybe he thinks I used him for tuition money and dropped him after graduation. I guess I’ll never know.

I listen to that song, Highway 20 Ride by the Zak Brown Band, and wonder why my dad never loved me *that* much. The most I ever felt he valued my company was when he took the “long way” home when he was taking me home every other Sunday. And seriously, that was just a couple of blocks out of the way. Maybe he did the best he could, I don’t know.  I guess some days I wish I did.

I'm not writing this for sympathy. Obviously all of this was a very long time ago and I'm fine with it. Maybe, more than anything, I just don't understand how someone walks away from their kid. I know it happens somewhere in the world every single day, but man alive I could never. And the more I think about it, maybe I just want him to know how well I'm doing in spite of him. All I can do at this point is take the lessons I learned from being the child of someone who didn't necessarily want them and apply it to raising my own children - children that heaven and earth couldn't keep me away from.
So when you drive
And the years go flying by
I hope you smile
If I ever cross your mind
It was a pleasure of my life
And I cherished every time
And my whole world
It begins and ends with you
On that Highway 20 ride.

Breaking Up Isn't Always That Hard to Do

So for any inquiring minds that wanted to know, the list that I mentioned in a previous post turned out not to be for us. Even though Erik met criteria for the list his report date would be so late that none of the jobs would still be available, so we’re waiting until the next list comes out to make our choices on where we should go. Unfortunately, that list doesn’t come out until January.

Also, in case you didn’t know, Erik’s Major’s course is an unaccompanied tour to GA, which means the kids and I can’t go. Though I have made some good friends here in Bradford, there just isn’t enough reason for me to stay here without Erik and my mom needs to have some surgery, so I’m going to take the kids and move home at the end of the year when Erik goes to Georgia. I’ve never really been the type to run home to mommy when Erik was deployed or whatever, but she could use the help and I could use the help, and it will be nice to be near family for awhile.
That means, it’s finally time to sell our house! (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) I am NOT in love with home ownership and do not glean a sense of security from it. More like I glean a sense of must-save-every-cent-for-when-other-shoe-drops. I’m sad to see our beautiful house with all it’s incredibly storage go, but… I’m also not.

So Erik will be back from Thailand early next month, then we are taking a week-long trip to the Finger Lakes with his parents and sister and her husband. When we come back, I’m going away on a long weekend with some girlfriends, then Erik is going away on a long weekend, and then it’s time to start all the honey-do’s to get this house in ship shape for selling! We hope to have it on the market by mid-August and ideally, sold before we leave here in October. We’re trying hard not to hold our breath, but the larger houses in our neighborhood have sold really quickly lately, so hopefully we can jump in on that boom. It’s a great house that will make someone really happy and comfortable. Man, it sounds like a breakup.

It’s not you, house, it’s me.

Easter in Bismarck

Unfortunately Erik's grandmother is suffering from Dementia and we decided that we should all go out there for a visit sooner rather than later, so a few months ago, a plan was set in motion.

We all (us, Erik's parents, his sister and her husband) bought plane tickets from our respective homes in different states and would all meet in Bismarck for Easter weekend. It ended up that we all rendezvoused in Minneapolis before descending on Bismarck and it was kind of fun to find each other in the airport. Grant thought it was amazing to get to ride the moving sidewalks, escalators and trams. And the tunnels in Detroit and Minneapolis (you know, the underground ones that have the weird light shows that show us regular folk what an acid trip probably looks like?) pretty much changed his life.

So we arrived in the thriving metropolis of Bismarck - I joke but it dwarfs Bradford like woah - and the weekend begins. Erik's dad made the hotel arrangements and he got us a suit with an adjoining room for the kids, this way we could put the kids to bed and still have a common room to use as home base for everyone who wanted to come visit with us. It worked out SUPER well and the kids did great sharing a room.

The weekend was really nice (we - Erik and I - hadn't been to Bismarck since we 2008) and it was great to catch up with everyone, but boy was it hectic! Any time we went out to supper (which was pretty much every night) there were no less than 12 of us, and usually about 17. We were incredibly lucky to have been so easily accommodated each night!

So listen, I don't know if you know this, but the Ramkota Lodge in Bismarck has the largest indoor water park in all of North Dakota. It's pretty awesome.

 

 

Piper and Uncle Mike are BFFs.

Auntie helping calm G after he went under. He loves Auntie!

Water slide!

Playing with Auntie.

The ladies!

My favorite guys!

 

 

On Easter, we attended a fantastic service at Erik's cousins home church and then all of us (19, I think this time) met back at our hotel for an Easter brunch. And then met after nap time at Erik's grandparents house for the traditional (or what was the tradition when Erik was a kid) egg hunt in the back yard. We also celebrated his grandmother's birthday since we were all together.

 

Candy coated mouth.

Piper's first Easter basket!

 

 

Cousins!

The men of the family. Love this one!

 

 

Did someone say cake?

The next day our little family had breakfast with Erik's grandparents and headed out for the airport. It was a great trip.

Colorado in Pictures

Yes, I'm this far behind.

A nature walk on our first day.

The area we were in had experienced some severe flooding a few months prior.
This is the damage behind our house. The land was scoured all the way down the mountain.



And then there was snow.

 

And snowman building!

And baby snuggles for dad.

And boys playing in boxes from the liquor store.

Monday began with such promise.

And such tired passengers.

And some childrens museum fun!

Wednesday brought us fun at the park!

And some elk that were close enough to touch!

And some gorgeous babies waiting in the back of our car for the boys to play.

And the only family shoot of the trip.

Besties and Babies

Last weekend, my sweet friend Mandy and her little one made the trek from Ft. Drum to spend the weekend. Erik is away, and her husband is wrapping up his third deployment, so it was an excellent way to kill some time while they're gone AND get a girls (and kids) weekend. We had many good laughs, lots of wine and took a day trip to Niagara Falls!

It wasn't the easiest trip to start out, arranging car seats, strollers, babies, moms and later a few shopping bags, but fun was had and the boys LOVED the Falls!

I probably should have edited this before posting it, but...

He LOVED the "biiiiiiiig waterfall"!

Failed Falls Selfie!

Piper got pretty tired.