Thursday, November 21, 2013
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
Thankful #8: The Army
I'm sure this might be an unlikely thing for which to be grateful but I am.
The Army has given me some of the most important people and experiences of my life:
Without the Army I never would have met my husband. If Erik hadn't been stationed in Oklahoma for 6 months in 2004, our paths never, ever would have crossed.
Without the Army, I wouldn't have met many of the incredible people I have in my life. Some of the very best friends I have were brought into my life by the cruelest mistress of all.
Without the Army, I wouldn't know how strong I am. I once thought I knew - but I had no idea. More than that, my life wouldn't be peppered with other people who are stronger than I am.
Without the Army, I never would have gotten to see this much of the world. I mean, I guess maybe I would have, but I doubt it. I never really needed to leave Oklahoma.
Without the Army, our lives wouldn't be this secure. Erik majored in History. I majored in Political Science. Those aren't million dollar majors, folks. (Although, neither is the Army)
Without the Army, I wouldn't know to stay the hell away from the commissary on payday. You think you know, but you have no idea - until you're standing in the back of the store by the frozen foods waiting in line for a cashier.
Without the Army, I wouldn't know what it was like to see 500 soldiers march into gym after 12 or 15, or in this case 16 months away.
I wouldn't know what it was like to nervously look for my husband in a crowd of thousands and run to him for a first hug in several months. I wouldn't know the feeling of loss when he left, either, but that feeling of gratitude when returns is indescribable to anyone that's never felt it.
The Army has given me some of the most important people and experiences of my life:
Without the Army I never would have met my husband. If Erik hadn't been stationed in Oklahoma for 6 months in 2004, our paths never, ever would have crossed.
Without the Army, I wouldn't have met many of the incredible people I have in my life. Some of the very best friends I have were brought into my life by the cruelest mistress of all.
Without the Army, I never would have gotten to see this much of the world. I mean, I guess maybe I would have, but I doubt it. I never really needed to leave Oklahoma.
Without the Army, our lives wouldn't be this secure. Erik majored in History. I majored in Political Science. Those aren't million dollar majors, folks. (Although, neither is the Army)
Without the Army, I wouldn't know to stay the hell away from the commissary on payday. You think you know, but you have no idea - until you're standing in the back of the store by the frozen foods waiting in line for a cashier.
Without the Army, I wouldn't know what it was like to see 500 soldiers march into gym after 12 or 15, or in this case 16 months away.
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| Ft. Drum, 2007 |
I wouldn't know what it was like to nervously look for my husband in a crowd of thousands and run to him for a first hug in several months. I wouldn't know the feeling of loss when he left, either, but that feeling of gratitude when returns is indescribable to anyone that's never felt it.
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| Welcome Home #1: June, 2007 |
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| Welcome Home #2: October, 2009 |
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| Welcome Home #3: May, 2012 |
Monday, November 18, 2013
Thankful #7: Beckett
G was just a few months old when I found out my sister was expecting and giving the baby up for adoption. I emailed Erik (who was deployed) to tell him to call me - I wanted the baby. I couldn't imagine a part of our family floating around out in the world without knowing he was loved and how he was being taken care of.
When I brought it up to Erik, I think he thought I was joking. But he carefully thought about it and told me that he didn't think it was a good idea. On top of the obviously familial ramifications (what would happen if/when she wanted him back?) there was the fact that Erik left us when G was just a few months old - for him to come home to two babies just over the age of 1 was a little bit more than he could wrap his mind around. I was sad, but I knew he was right.
And a few months later, that little boy found his way into the world and into the arms of the sweetest momma a baby could ever find. And not only do his parents and siblings love him beyond belief, they allow my family to see him whenever we want to. His mom texts my parents photos of him the same way I send pictures of her other grandkids and he and his siblings call my mom Grammie, just like my kids do. They firmly believe (as I do) that the more people that love your kids, the better.
I am so grateful that little boy came into the world to bring so many people joy, and I'm so grateful his family has welcomed ours with open arms.
When I brought it up to Erik, I think he thought I was joking. But he carefully thought about it and told me that he didn't think it was a good idea. On top of the obviously familial ramifications (what would happen if/when she wanted him back?) there was the fact that Erik left us when G was just a few months old - for him to come home to two babies just over the age of 1 was a little bit more than he could wrap his mind around. I was sad, but I knew he was right.
And a few months later, that little boy found his way into the world and into the arms of the sweetest momma a baby could ever find. And not only do his parents and siblings love him beyond belief, they allow my family to see him whenever we want to. His mom texts my parents photos of him the same way I send pictures of her other grandkids and he and his siblings call my mom Grammie, just like my kids do. They firmly believe (as I do) that the more people that love your kids, the better.
I am so grateful that little boy came into the world to bring so many people joy, and I'm so grateful his family has welcomed ours with open arms.
Sunday, November 17, 2013
Christmas All Year Round
I'm pretty fed up.
There is been a lot of talk on social media regarding Christmas decorations already being displayed in stores, carols being played on the radio, outdoor lights already glowing, etc., and even more talk about boycotting stores that are open on Thanksgiving evening to get a jump on Black Friday.
To all of this I say: Bah-freaking-Humbug.
Many of my friends have chosen celebrate the holidays early this year in order to be able to share them with a deploying service member - in fact, many are having holiday celebrations this very weekend. In my opinion, if Christmas tree displays and carols in the stores make them (and more importantly, their babies) feel a little bit of normalcy, a little bit like they aren't having to celebrate out of turn because a parent has to go into danger, then they're MORE than worth it.
Another "pro" in the column of the early decorations is care packages: Christmas packages for troops deployed overseas need to be sent (usually) by Thanksgiving time in order to be delivered before Christmas. That means gifts selected, packages wrapped, ribbons neatly tied, stockings filled and packed carefully in Flat Rate boxes. Were it not for WalMart putting Christmas decorations out early, families might not get to browse the aisles together, carefully selecting the perfect tiny Christmas tree for Dad's office, or stocking to fill early and send to Mom. Picking out things to send in care packages always made me feel just a little bit closer to Erik. If someone can receive that feeling of closeness from some ill-timed festive holiday displays - I say again, they're more than worth it.
Our own family has celebrated several holidays early before, and having "that feeling" in the air definitely helps when it comes to setting up your Christmas tree in the middle of autumn or roasting a Turkey in early September. In fact, were it not for early Christmas displays, we wouldn't have had a Christmas tree for Grant's first Christmas celebration (because I forgot ours had gone kaput the year before until our "Christmas Eve" in mid-November 2011. Never mind, the many holiday care packages I've packed over the years, whose contents had to be purchased at the first sign of holiday supplies being displayed in stores.)
To be clear: I'm not complaining. I am immensely grateful for every holiday I get to spend with my whole family: be they early, late or on time - and I'd be willing to bet every other military family feels the same way. But I think the general public has forgotten that we still have service members overseas - which means we still have families kissing their Soldiers goodbye for 3, 6, 9, 12 months at a time and babies waking up without a parent on Christmas Day.
The bottom line is avoidance, people. If you don't like the Christmas displays (that I submit do seem to come earlier and earlier every year), don't go to that side of the store. If you don't like the carols playing on the radio, change the station. But some people DO like those things, some people NEED them. I envy the luxury you have to put holidays in their little boxes and not need to think about them until the time comes. To not have to open those little boxes early because your husband is only home from his third year-long trip to the Middle East for 2 weeks and you have to cram your child's entire first holiday season into those few days.
Similarly, if I have to hear one more thing about the unfortunate retail workers going in on holiday evenings for those early shoppers I'm going to scream. Do you watch football on Thanksgiving? Do you run to the corner store for that forgotten can of evaporated milk that goes in your famous pumpkin pie? Do you expect law enforcement officers to come to your aid, or medical professionals to tend to you should the need arise? It's no different. You just don't notice because you're the one who is being afforded the convenience of folks working on holidays. My dad is a law enforcement officer and my mom is a nurse - they worked every other holiday season. Our family survived, we kids are fine - Santa just came a day early or a day late to accommodate, we didn't know the difference. I worked retail all through college and I would volunteer to work on holidays for the extra money and so those with kids could be home to celebrate (because like I said, my family often operated on an amended holiday schedule). I didn't mind, I always thought working on holidays was nice because we were busy, everyone was cheerful and "that feeling" was thick in the air. Whose to say those working on Thanksgiving evening are all that upset about it?
And besides football players, cops and gas station attendants, do you know who else works on holidays? Service members. And no one is planning to boycott freedom on Turkey Day are they?
I didn't think so.
All this said, I sincerely hope that while you sit around your Thanksgiving tables, surrounded by those you love, bickering over who gets the last scoop of Pink Fluff (oh, that's just my family?) you consider the families I mentioned above, and the sacrifice they're making. I hope you say a prayer of peace and blessings of safety for them, and those they love who are in harms way, until their family can be united around a Thanksgiving turkey or Christmas ham again, even if it's in the middle of July.
There is been a lot of talk on social media regarding Christmas decorations already being displayed in stores, carols being played on the radio, outdoor lights already glowing, etc., and even more talk about boycotting stores that are open on Thanksgiving evening to get a jump on Black Friday.
To all of this I say: Bah-freaking-Humbug.
Many of my friends have chosen celebrate the holidays early this year in order to be able to share them with a deploying service member - in fact, many are having holiday celebrations this very weekend. In my opinion, if Christmas tree displays and carols in the stores make them (and more importantly, their babies) feel a little bit of normalcy, a little bit like they aren't having to celebrate out of turn because a parent has to go into danger, then they're MORE than worth it.
Another "pro" in the column of the early decorations is care packages: Christmas packages for troops deployed overseas need to be sent (usually) by Thanksgiving time in order to be delivered before Christmas. That means gifts selected, packages wrapped, ribbons neatly tied, stockings filled and packed carefully in Flat Rate boxes. Were it not for WalMart putting Christmas decorations out early, families might not get to browse the aisles together, carefully selecting the perfect tiny Christmas tree for Dad's office, or stocking to fill early and send to Mom. Picking out things to send in care packages always made me feel just a little bit closer to Erik. If someone can receive that feeling of closeness from some ill-timed festive holiday displays - I say again, they're more than worth it.
Our own family has celebrated several holidays early before, and having "that feeling" in the air definitely helps when it comes to setting up your Christmas tree in the middle of autumn or roasting a Turkey in early September. In fact, were it not for early Christmas displays, we wouldn't have had a Christmas tree for Grant's first Christmas celebration (because I forgot ours had gone kaput the year before until our "Christmas Eve" in mid-November 2011. Never mind, the many holiday care packages I've packed over the years, whose contents had to be purchased at the first sign of holiday supplies being displayed in stores.)
To be clear: I'm not complaining. I am immensely grateful for every holiday I get to spend with my whole family: be they early, late or on time - and I'd be willing to bet every other military family feels the same way. But I think the general public has forgotten that we still have service members overseas - which means we still have families kissing their Soldiers goodbye for 3, 6, 9, 12 months at a time and babies waking up without a parent on Christmas Day.
The bottom line is avoidance, people. If you don't like the Christmas displays (that I submit do seem to come earlier and earlier every year), don't go to that side of the store. If you don't like the carols playing on the radio, change the station. But some people DO like those things, some people NEED them. I envy the luxury you have to put holidays in their little boxes and not need to think about them until the time comes. To not have to open those little boxes early because your husband is only home from his third year-long trip to the Middle East for 2 weeks and you have to cram your child's entire first holiday season into those few days.
Similarly, if I have to hear one more thing about the unfortunate retail workers going in on holiday evenings for those early shoppers I'm going to scream. Do you watch football on Thanksgiving? Do you run to the corner store for that forgotten can of evaporated milk that goes in your famous pumpkin pie? Do you expect law enforcement officers to come to your aid, or medical professionals to tend to you should the need arise? It's no different. You just don't notice because you're the one who is being afforded the convenience of folks working on holidays. My dad is a law enforcement officer and my mom is a nurse - they worked every other holiday season. Our family survived, we kids are fine - Santa just came a day early or a day late to accommodate, we didn't know the difference. I worked retail all through college and I would volunteer to work on holidays for the extra money and so those with kids could be home to celebrate (because like I said, my family often operated on an amended holiday schedule). I didn't mind, I always thought working on holidays was nice because we were busy, everyone was cheerful and "that feeling" was thick in the air. Whose to say those working on Thanksgiving evening are all that upset about it?
And besides football players, cops and gas station attendants, do you know who else works on holidays? Service members. And no one is planning to boycott freedom on Turkey Day are they?
I didn't think so.
All this said, I sincerely hope that while you sit around your Thanksgiving tables, surrounded by those you love, bickering over who gets the last scoop of Pink Fluff (oh, that's just my family?) you consider the families I mentioned above, and the sacrifice they're making. I hope you say a prayer of peace and blessings of safety for them, and those they love who are in harms way, until their family can be united around a Thanksgiving turkey or Christmas ham again, even if it's in the middle of July.
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Just Need to Brag
I just want to take a second and brag on Little G.
Even though he is constantly told not to touch this or that, to "be quiet because P is sleeping," and "I can't right now because I need to change P," or whatever the case may be, this boy has never complained about his world getting turned on end. Not one single time.
Not when she cries all the way home from wherever we've been because she hates her car seat (though he will hold his hands over his ears), not when I can't rock him at night because I'm rocking the baby and dad is doing homework, not when we tell him he can't go near her because he's got "germies."
He is such a patient, kind-hearted boy. I'm so, so glad he's ours.
Even though he is constantly told not to touch this or that, to "be quiet because P is sleeping," and "I can't right now because I need to change P," or whatever the case may be, this boy has never complained about his world getting turned on end. Not one single time.
Not when she cries all the way home from wherever we've been because she hates her car seat (though he will hold his hands over his ears), not when I can't rock him at night because I'm rocking the baby and dad is doing homework, not when we tell him he can't go near her because he's got "germies."
He is such a patient, kind-hearted boy. I'm so, so glad he's ours.
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Thankful #6
A few months ago, G went through this phase of telling me we should go buy something or asking if he could buy something he wanted but we didn't have.
One night Erik and I were putting him to bed and he asked for another cup of milk. I told him we didn't have any milk and he started crying (as toddlers do) saying "Please buy some milk, Mommy," and "I'll buy it" (presumably from his piggy bank money). I sat on the floor while Erik rocked him thinking how unbelievably awful it must be to have your baby begging for something as simple as milk, and not being able to give it to them. I started to tear up a little bit just sitting there thinking about it.
I mentioned it to Erik after we got G in bed and we had both been having the same thought. What it must be like not to be able to provide for your little one. I think about folks in countries in which sex is used indiscriminately as a weapon, where children are kidnapped and forced into militias. It's easy to dismiss those thoughts, assuming those people don't have the regard for human life that we do, but how can that be true? How can you carry a baby inside you and be able to see the worst happen to it? I just can't imagine. I can't imagine not being able to keep my children safe - it's my biggest fear. The world can be so cruel.
I am so, so, so incredibly grateful that my kids have full tummies all the time, that they have shelter over their heads, a door that locks them in (a safe home) at night.
And someday I hope to be grateful for the bravery it takes to turn a kid out into the world and let it live it's own life. Because seriously, I have no idea how I'm ever going to get from here to there.
One night Erik and I were putting him to bed and he asked for another cup of milk. I told him we didn't have any milk and he started crying (as toddlers do) saying "Please buy some milk, Mommy," and "I'll buy it" (presumably from his piggy bank money). I sat on the floor while Erik rocked him thinking how unbelievably awful it must be to have your baby begging for something as simple as milk, and not being able to give it to them. I started to tear up a little bit just sitting there thinking about it.
I mentioned it to Erik after we got G in bed and we had both been having the same thought. What it must be like not to be able to provide for your little one. I think about folks in countries in which sex is used indiscriminately as a weapon, where children are kidnapped and forced into militias. It's easy to dismiss those thoughts, assuming those people don't have the regard for human life that we do, but how can that be true? How can you carry a baby inside you and be able to see the worst happen to it? I just can't imagine. I can't imagine not being able to keep my children safe - it's my biggest fear. The world can be so cruel.
I am so, so, so incredibly grateful that my kids have full tummies all the time, that they have shelter over their heads, a door that locks them in (a safe home) at night.
And someday I hope to be grateful for the bravery it takes to turn a kid out into the world and let it live it's own life. Because seriously, I have no idea how I'm ever going to get from here to there.
Monday, November 11, 2013
Thankful #5: Thank You is Not Enough
I started to get on Facebook this morning to complain about the fact that on Veterans Day, when my husband could and should be off work and spending time with his family in celebration of the fact he's made it safely home to us so many times, he is going to be driving all over creation participating in various Veterans Day programs, whilst Americans who haven't made nearly the sacrifice, sit at home watching television.
But then I remembered where I spent last Veterans Day.
I remember thinking that day at Arlington, walking with two veterans that are near and dear to my heart as we found the near dozen headstones of folks buried in section 60 that we had known, how I needed to really soak in the feeling of that place, and the smell in the air, and the leaves under my feet because I was in the company of incredible heroes on a day to celebrate their very existence. How lucky I was to be able to honor these Americans on this day, in this place. My heart was filled with such gratitude and my eyes were filled with tears.
But then I remembered where I spent last Veterans Day.
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And I decided that I'd just go on ahead and shut the hell up.
Because even though I don't see my husband nearly as much as either of us expected when he took this assignment. I see him. Nearly every day. And even though he has to spend the whole day away from home when he should get a rare weekday off, he'll still come home at the end of the day. And those white markers mean that someone out there isn't seeing their loved one anymore at all.
And then I looked up at the men stopped in front of me (Erik and our friend Mike), looking down at the gravestone of their fallen Battalion Commander, and I realized that I have spent nearly every day of my married life in the company of heroes. And my heart is almost always filled with this sense of gratitude.
But I suppose it's because I know something that most people don't. You know, it amazes me when people say they don't know anyone who has served in the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan because nearly every young man in my life has. I guess that's just a product of living this lifestyle but I can't imagine a life without the ups and the downs and the hellos and goodbyes. It seems so foreign. It seems so ordinary. How lucky I am to be surrounded by brave men and women, willing and able to, at the drop of a hat, pack up and leave their families for places unknown to many of the rest of us. My meager contribution to society (what ever it was or may be) can never, ever compare.
How grateful I am to have known some of these brave men and women. How honored I am to call them friend. How thankful I am to live among them, in this great nation. On this day, as well as many others during the year I make an attempt, however small, at showing my gratitude to those who've put their lives on the line for our country. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Thank you.
Sunday, November 10, 2013
Thankful #4: My In-Laws.
I like my parents-in-law.
And I'm pretty sure they like me too.
Do you know how much easier this makes life?
I admit that sometimes I get a little irritated with them, for whatever reason. But not only am I sure the feeling is occasionally mutual, but also, I get irritated with my own parents the same way.
They really do love me like I'm one of theirs, and I love them like they're mine. Pat is no less likely to call me to chat than my own mom, and every summer Ken sends me a picture of a cherry limeade from a Sonic he stopped at during his travels because it made him think of me. I feel like I can talk to either of them about anything, and I really feel like both of them speak very candidly to me as well. I don't think twice about spending time at their house, even if Erik isn't around and man alive do they love my kids. It's hard not to love people who love the hell out of your kids.
I'm really, really grateful for the new family I got when I married Erik.
And I'm pretty sure they like me too.
Do you know how much easier this makes life?
I admit that sometimes I get a little irritated with them, for whatever reason. But not only am I sure the feeling is occasionally mutual, but also, I get irritated with my own parents the same way.
They really do love me like I'm one of theirs, and I love them like they're mine. Pat is no less likely to call me to chat than my own mom, and every summer Ken sends me a picture of a cherry limeade from a Sonic he stopped at during his travels because it made him think of me. I feel like I can talk to either of them about anything, and I really feel like both of them speak very candidly to me as well. I don't think twice about spending time at their house, even if Erik isn't around and man alive do they love my kids. It's hard not to love people who love the hell out of your kids.
I'm really, really grateful for the new family I got when I married Erik.
Saturday, November 9, 2013
Full Disclosure: I Have Great Friends
The number of messages, emails and texts I received in response to my post about my unhappiness in my current situation has been quite surprising.
I have said several times that I really only write on here for myself usually, so to know so many people are reading is kind of nice. Though I wish I had known before I posted something so damn whiny, because I'm not usually like that. But I guess if you're reading this you know me, and you know I'm not that whiny.
So thanks for all the uplifting comments and the complements. I've been feeling so discouraged not only with my status as a stay at home mom, but my feeling of absolute incompetence at the job - to the point that I wondered if I was supposed to stop having children. It's comforting to know I'm not alone in this sometimes discouraging journey. Moms I thought had it all together have told me that they feel the same way, which is the most comforting thing of all. Even supermoms get the blues.
I have said several times that I really only write on here for myself usually, so to know so many people are reading is kind of nice. Though I wish I had known before I posted something so damn whiny, because I'm not usually like that. But I guess if you're reading this you know me, and you know I'm not that whiny.
So thanks for all the uplifting comments and the complements. I've been feeling so discouraged not only with my status as a stay at home mom, but my feeling of absolute incompetence at the job - to the point that I wondered if I was supposed to stop having children. It's comforting to know I'm not alone in this sometimes discouraging journey. Moms I thought had it all together have told me that they feel the same way, which is the most comforting thing of all. Even supermoms get the blues.
Friday, November 8, 2013
Thursday, November 7, 2013
Thankful, Day 3.
I was a pretty angry kid. I don't like to think I had a bad childhood. In fact, I didn't really think I had a childhood much different than anyone else's ("Every one's is hard, isn't it?") until my mom recently told me otherwise.
I won't go into specifics except to say that I don't speak to my biological father, and I haven't for some time. He isn't a good person, he wasn't a good father and he wasn't a good husband to my mom (or the other handful of women he has married). And it's my understanding that he's now reaping what he's sown. Alone.
I have spent a lot of time in my life overcoming the feelings he hurt and the emotional damage he did. But I've spent a lot less time than someone else might need, because my mom and step-dad (though I call him dad) were there to pick up the pieces he always managed to leave in his wake.
They pushed and prayed and protected and worried, I'm sure, more than I'll ever understand. They took me to counselors, and talked and lectured endlessly. My mom told me she used to get physically sick when she had to let me go over for my visitation every other weekend (or whenever he could get around to picking me up). But somehow they raised me to be a productive member of society, and I'm sure it took even more work because I was already sort of in the negative. It took some time but they fixed me right up. They helped fix the damage someone else might just be doomed to live with forever.
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
Gratitude Month #2: My Sweet Babies
How does a person even begin to describe how grateful they are for their children. It seems impossible to put all these feelings into words.
I've never met anyone whose made me happier for merely existing, made sad (for growing so fast or for when they're in pain), made me worry so much (about every.single.thing), made me laugh so hard or made me more proud. And I've certainly never met anyone as stinkin' cute as these little curtain crawlers of ours.
I'm grateful that these Little's make me try harder every day to be a better person. In fact, they make me want to do everything better. I try so hard to put good thoughts in their head and feelings in their heart and good food in their tummies. And I'm grateful that in turn they've caused me to put better food in my own tummy, better thoughts in my own head and better feelings in my own heart. I'm so grateful for the impact they've made on my life. It's true that you never really know love until you're a parent. You can think you do, but you really, truly have no idea. I am so grateful that they've shown me what this love is. I don't know how I lived so long without my heart being as full as it is now that they're in my life.
G is such a hilarious addition to our family. He's as quick witted as Erik is, he's smart, he's independent, he's charismatic, he's creative, he's tough, he's aware, he's precious, and he holds everyone in our family (grandparents included) in the palm of his hand. He's one of my sweetest friends. I live for "I zhove you, Mommy." And he loves his baby sister. I am so, so, so incredibly proud and grateful that he's ours.
Piper is such a sweet, smiley baby. I don't yet know much about her personality, other than she's going to be as active as her brother (though maybe not as great a sleeper). What I do know is that she makes us all so happy with her smiles and her coos. She loves us all so much already, as evidenced by the fact that she's always happy to see one of us and she lets us kiss on her sweet, chubby cheeks as often as we want. Well, that and that she's started sleeping much better. ;) It's so funny how much you can love a person that you really don't even know that well yet.
I'm also grateful that, along these lines, Erik is here to enjoy P's first year. I can't imagine how excruciating it was for him to miss all of G's firsts and I know being here for Piper will help him build a really special bond with her.
I'm pretty lucky.
I've never met anyone whose made me happier for merely existing, made sad (for growing so fast or for when they're in pain), made me worry so much (about every.single.thing), made me laugh so hard or made me more proud. And I've certainly never met anyone as stinkin' cute as these little curtain crawlers of ours.
I'm grateful that these Little's make me try harder every day to be a better person. In fact, they make me want to do everything better. I try so hard to put good thoughts in their head and feelings in their heart and good food in their tummies. And I'm grateful that in turn they've caused me to put better food in my own tummy, better thoughts in my own head and better feelings in my own heart. I'm so grateful for the impact they've made on my life. It's true that you never really know love until you're a parent. You can think you do, but you really, truly have no idea. I am so grateful that they've shown me what this love is. I don't know how I lived so long without my heart being as full as it is now that they're in my life.
G is such a hilarious addition to our family. He's as quick witted as Erik is, he's smart, he's independent, he's charismatic, he's creative, he's tough, he's aware, he's precious, and he holds everyone in our family (grandparents included) in the palm of his hand. He's one of my sweetest friends. I live for "I zhove you, Mommy." And he loves his baby sister. I am so, so, so incredibly proud and grateful that he's ours.
Piper is such a sweet, smiley baby. I don't yet know much about her personality, other than she's going to be as active as her brother (though maybe not as great a sleeper). What I do know is that she makes us all so happy with her smiles and her coos. She loves us all so much already, as evidenced by the fact that she's always happy to see one of us and she lets us kiss on her sweet, chubby cheeks as often as we want. Well, that and that she's started sleeping much better. ;) It's so funny how much you can love a person that you really don't even know that well yet.
I'm also grateful that, along these lines, Erik is here to enjoy P's first year. I can't imagine how excruciating it was for him to miss all of G's firsts and I know being here for Piper will help him build a really special bond with her.
I'm pretty lucky.
Monday, November 4, 2013
Gratitude Month Begins with Erik
Well since I'm pretty bad at remembering to blog (though things are looking up, lately), I'm not going to do the daily thankful thing on here, but I do have a lot to be thankful for, and would like to expand on those topics, so I'll just sprinkle in my gratitude posts amongst my sporadic other posts. ;)
On the very, very, very top of my list:
I am thankful for my husband.
Erik works so hard for us. He's up at 5:30AM for PT (he got up at 4:30AM when we lived in HI so he could beat the traffic) and he gets home between 6 and 7:30PM, and helps me get the kids fed and in bed. He then retreats to the family room computer to work on his homework, and doesn't crawl in to bed until midnight or later. Although this schedule isn't permanent, it is permanent for the rest of our time here. He'll get a bit of a break when he goes back to Thailand this summer, but in order to get school done as soon as he could, he has to go with the flow of this hideous schedule for about 7 more months.
I'm grateful for the home he provides, the food in our tummies and the clothes on our backs. I'm sure it's a burden to know he has all these mouths to feed on his own, but he never complains and never makes me feel like I work any less than he does.
Even though I've complained, I'm grateful that his hard work affords me the opportunity to stay home with our kids. I may not be worthy of the task, but I can't imagine anyone else spending this much time with my babies.
I am grateful that he's strong enough and brave enough to have put his life on the line for our country multiple times. I am grateful for the times he's survived things he wasn't so sure he was going to. I'm extraordinarily grateful that he has no long term "side effects" of these experiences.
I am grateful that he's smarter than I am. And I'm grateful that he thinks that I'm the smarter one.
I'm grateful for the great care he took of me while I was recovering from having Piper. I didn't get experience that with him when I had Grant and it felt good to be taken care of, since I feel like I always do the care-taking around here.
I am grateful that he's such a sweet dad. And I'm everso grateful he helped me create these ridiculously sweet babies.
I'm grateful that he pushes me to go to church. It makes me feel like I'm living with my parents again sometimes, but I know it's the right thing to do - even though I'm really tired and would rather sleep in while I have the chance.
I'm grateful that he's hilarious and makes me laugh every single day.
On the very, very, very top of my list:
I am thankful for my husband.
Erik works so hard for us. He's up at 5:30AM for PT (he got up at 4:30AM when we lived in HI so he could beat the traffic) and he gets home between 6 and 7:30PM, and helps me get the kids fed and in bed. He then retreats to the family room computer to work on his homework, and doesn't crawl in to bed until midnight or later. Although this schedule isn't permanent, it is permanent for the rest of our time here. He'll get a bit of a break when he goes back to Thailand this summer, but in order to get school done as soon as he could, he has to go with the flow of this hideous schedule for about 7 more months.
I'm grateful for the home he provides, the food in our tummies and the clothes on our backs. I'm sure it's a burden to know he has all these mouths to feed on his own, but he never complains and never makes me feel like I work any less than he does.
Even though I've complained, I'm grateful that his hard work affords me the opportunity to stay home with our kids. I may not be worthy of the task, but I can't imagine anyone else spending this much time with my babies.
I am grateful that he's strong enough and brave enough to have put his life on the line for our country multiple times. I am grateful for the times he's survived things he wasn't so sure he was going to. I'm extraordinarily grateful that he has no long term "side effects" of these experiences.
I am grateful that he's smarter than I am. And I'm grateful that he thinks that I'm the smarter one.
I'm grateful for the great care he took of me while I was recovering from having Piper. I didn't get experience that with him when I had Grant and it felt good to be taken care of, since I feel like I always do the care-taking around here.
I am grateful that he's such a sweet dad. And I'm everso grateful he helped me create these ridiculously sweet babies.
I'm grateful that he pushes me to go to church. It makes me feel like I'm living with my parents again sometimes, but I know it's the right thing to do - even though I'm really tired and would rather sleep in while I have the chance.
I'm grateful that he's hilarious and makes me laugh every single day.
Sunday, November 3, 2013
October Little Things
This sweet girl got her 2 month shots. This was before. :(
G got a flu shot the same day. He was pretty excited about it going in. The nurse made me hold him down while she did it (which I think makes the whole thing about 10x worse) and when she stuck him he looked at me angrily, eyes squinted and said "Ow!" - he didn't scream it, just sharply, like he was super surprised that I was right when I told him they don't tickle. He watches an episode of Sid the Science Kid on Amazon about vaccinations and he's wanted a doctor kit and to get a shot for about a month now. In fact, not too long ago he got a pen and gave himself "a shot." Apparently he was pretty damn sick. And he thinks shots = stripes.
I don't want to brag, but 3 nights ago I got six hours of sleep in a row.
Erik's office lost one of their contractors (the contract ended), luckily for Erik, he's the one who has to pick up the slack. He doesn't get home until 7:30PM on Wednesday nights and has to be out of the house before we get up on Thursday. And on Tuesday. That, coupled with his school work means we pretty much never get to see him during the week. We all live for Saturday (nights - because he usually has to work days during the Fall to recruit students) and Sundays. Didn't we take this job so he could spend more time with the family?!
My YMCA membership starts back up tomorrow! I'm not taking P in yet though, so that means I can only go on weekends when Erik is home to stay with her. So... that's like one or two days a week. Yay progress?
Erik took G on some errands last Saturday morning, to get G a haircut and to the store. P was asleep when they left and stayed asleep the whole time. It was like I was alone for two.whole.hours. Apparetly as G walked past some ladies at the salon (we take him to the Smart Style at Walmart because they have a TV so he sits still - they do a terrible job anyway though...) and said "Hi ladies!" and then climbed up in his seat. Such a ham.
Let's take a look at those chubby cheeks again, shall we?
Cars still litter every available surface in the family room/play room. I'll probably be pretty sad when they don't.
 |
| Yeah. Please excuse our terrible end tables and that excellent glare. We got the table at Goodwill last summer for $5 and have been too busy/lazy/tired to do anything with it. |
I'm knee deep in Christmas shopping. We have decreed that we aren't going anywhere for any holidays for the rest of the year. My mom is coming for Thanksgiving and it's looking like Christmas will be just us this year. We didn't want to drag the baby out and we wanted to spend at least one Christmas in this house, as we'll probably be gone by this time next year. I'm pretty stinking excited about Christmas this year. Grant is already telling me (and everyone who will listen) that he wants "Ho Ho" to bring him a doctor kit and some magwet cars. (Train cars that magnetize together)
This is the first outfit I bought when I found out I was pregnant. It's a 6 month outfit. Her body is so long, and coupled with cloth diapers we have to put her in 6 month onesies pretty much all the time now. The other day she wore a 9-month tunic shirt. She better stop growing - I only have clothes for her up through 9 months.
On Saturday night we had a family movie night. I selected Lilo and Stitch. Erik nor I had never seen it before, and I knew it was set in HI which G I thought G would get a kick out of. It was adorable and G has asked to watch it every day since (though I've only allowed it twice more). The Hawaiian music, the dancing, the accents - man I miss our island home. I think how wonderful it would be to be stationed there again, but then I remember it could never be the same as it was.
Living in a split-level home has it's challenges. I have this thing where I try to take something up and bring something down every time I go up or down some stairs. Of course, now that I have a baby to carry around, it's a little more complicated. Anyway, I'll often tell G to put something on the stairs so I can take it up. This is what usually happens.
And if anyone wants to come shampoo those disgusting things, be my guest. :)
Saturday, November 2, 2013
Grant-isms: October Edition
G: That truck is full of toys for you.
S: Oh yeah? What kind of toys do moms play with?
G: Ummmm.... brooms and washing machines.
G, holding a toy: I'm shooting!
S: Oh yeah? What kind of toys do moms play with?
G: Ummmm.... brooms and washing machines.
G, holding a toy: I'm shooting!
Grandma Pat/Sheena, simultaneously: How do you know about shooting?! ( Because seriously, no one discusses it in front of him and he certainly doesn't know about it from television)
G: College.
S: COLLEGE?!
G: Yeah. Do you remember college?
S: Vaguely.
G: Yeah, probably vaguely.
I'm upstairs with Pipes, G and Erik are having breakfast. Piper is crying.
G: That's Piper. She not like anything.
At the airport picking up Papa, walking to the car, Erik is leading the way:
G: Follow my fazur (father), Papa!
Everyone laughs.
G, to Papa: Do you know my fazur?
S: Papa is your father's father. Did you know that?
G: NO WAY!
S: Do you like Piper?
G: Um... Yeah... A linna (little) bit. She cries a lot, you know.
G: About what you talking? Facebook?
E: Facebook? How do you know about Facebook?!
G: Jesus is on Facebook.
G: I love you more ice cream!
S: Really?!
G: Nope. I was just joking.
G: Mommy, there is something's wrong with my finger.
S (upon noticing it's a hangnail): Hmm, what is that?
G: Oh... Just a piece of someone's leg
G: College.
S: COLLEGE?!
G: Yeah. Do you remember college?
S: Vaguely.
G: Yeah, probably vaguely.
I'm upstairs with Pipes, G and Erik are having breakfast. Piper is crying.
G: That's Piper. She not like anything.
At the airport picking up Papa, walking to the car, Erik is leading the way:
G: Follow my fazur (father), Papa!
Everyone laughs.
G, to Papa: Do you know my fazur?
S: Papa is your father's father. Did you know that?
G: NO WAY!
S: Do you like Piper?
G: Um... Yeah... A linna (little) bit. She cries a lot, you know.
G: About what you talking? Facebook?
E: Facebook? How do you know about Facebook?!
G: Jesus is on Facebook.
G: I love you more ice cream!
S: Really?!
G: Nope. I was just joking.
G: Mommy, there is something's wrong with my finger.
S (upon noticing it's a hangnail): Hmm, what is that?
G: Oh... Just a piece of someone's leg
This is the face he makes when you wink at him.
Friday, November 1, 2013
Full Disclosure: Life's Not Perfet
I've danced around the subject for awhile, but I'm just going to go ahead and admit it:
I don't like being a stay at home mom.
I don't find it validating. I don't find it freeing. And most of all, I don't find myself worthy of the task.
But here I am. A) Because Erik is gone so much, I feel like my kids need a very reliable, always available parent and B) Because I can barely stand to leave my kids with a babysitter once a month, never mind have to do it every day.
I know I should be grateful for the opportunity to stay home, and I am, but that doesn't make feeling stagnate any easier. It doesn't make answering "no," when asked if I work any less embarrassing. I miss working. I miss adults. I miss having great stories to tell (that aren't about poop). I miss being really, really good at something. I am not good at this.
And I'm bitter because Erik gets validation and he gets adult interaction and he gets to pee with the door shut and he has great stories (that don't involve poop) to tell me when he gets home from work. He is really, really good at his job.
And on top of "getting to go to" work, he goes to a men's fellowship group through our church on Tuesday nights. (Yes, they have one for women during the weekday, but I don't have a sitter and there aren't a ton of stay at home moms around here, so I suspect they're all older ladies.) Anyway, the other day I flipped my lid on him for going to men's group and leaving me with two screaming children who hadn't been bathed, that needed to be put to bed, and were still reeling from being vaccinated a few hours before, all while I was still trying to do the dinner clean-up. I told him it was unfair that he got to go out and have fun and stick me at home with the kids. "I need a break!" and he said that I should just say something when I need to get out and that he'd happily help accommodate me, "but you don't have anything to do." Well, I could sure as hell come up with something. How about the fact I'm in desperate need of new gym shoes, but I can't try any on with G in the stroller pulling down everything on whatever rack he can reach and P strapped to my front? Ever tried to try on shoes while sporting a Baby Bjorn? Don't. It pisses off your baby something fierce.
I stay home all the time because I don't have any outside hobbies, because I can't get out of the house to pursue anything. How am I supposed to develop any more outside friendships or hobbies when I can't get outside these four walls and (even though I have absolutely no reason to) feel guilty for every cent I spend.
I'm not a hermit by nature. But I don't feel like I'm swimming in options. I miss living on an Army base, and I miss being surrounded by people who are more like me. And I miss the 10,000 things to do in Hawaii. I like it here in Mayberry, but I really can't wait to leave.
Here's the cold, hard truth:
He thinks he's doing me a big favor by providing for our family so I can stay home with the kids. And he is. But I think *I* am the one doing the favor by actually staying home. I am NOT cut out for this, I never was, I never wanted to be. I do wish I was, though. I pray for it. I try for it. I pretend like it. But I'm not. I need an effing outlet or my head is going to pop off. My kids deserve better than an angry, frazzled, frustrated, rigid bitch of a mom who stomps around all the time expecting perfection. Okay, maybe I'm not that bad, but I sure feel like I'm getting close.
So...
I think I'm going to take up running. That has to help a person blow off steam, right? Too bad it's already 30 damn degrees outside and I can only go to the gym on weekends. And I need new shoes.
I don't like being a stay at home mom.
I don't find it validating. I don't find it freeing. And most of all, I don't find myself worthy of the task.
But here I am. A) Because Erik is gone so much, I feel like my kids need a very reliable, always available parent and B) Because I can barely stand to leave my kids with a babysitter once a month, never mind have to do it every day.
I know I should be grateful for the opportunity to stay home, and I am, but that doesn't make feeling stagnate any easier. It doesn't make answering "no," when asked if I work any less embarrassing. I miss working. I miss adults. I miss having great stories to tell (that aren't about poop). I miss being really, really good at something. I am not good at this.
And I'm bitter because Erik gets validation and he gets adult interaction and he gets to pee with the door shut and he has great stories (that don't involve poop) to tell me when he gets home from work. He is really, really good at his job.
And on top of "getting to go to" work, he goes to a men's fellowship group through our church on Tuesday nights. (Yes, they have one for women during the weekday, but I don't have a sitter and there aren't a ton of stay at home moms around here, so I suspect they're all older ladies.) Anyway, the other day I flipped my lid on him for going to men's group and leaving me with two screaming children who hadn't been bathed, that needed to be put to bed, and were still reeling from being vaccinated a few hours before, all while I was still trying to do the dinner clean-up. I told him it was unfair that he got to go out and have fun and stick me at home with the kids. "I need a break!" and he said that I should just say something when I need to get out and that he'd happily help accommodate me, "but you don't have anything to do." Well, I could sure as hell come up with something. How about the fact I'm in desperate need of new gym shoes, but I can't try any on with G in the stroller pulling down everything on whatever rack he can reach and P strapped to my front? Ever tried to try on shoes while sporting a Baby Bjorn? Don't. It pisses off your baby something fierce.
I stay home all the time because I don't have any outside hobbies, because I can't get out of the house to pursue anything. How am I supposed to develop any more outside friendships or hobbies when I can't get outside these four walls and (even though I have absolutely no reason to) feel guilty for every cent I spend.
I'm not a hermit by nature. But I don't feel like I'm swimming in options. I miss living on an Army base, and I miss being surrounded by people who are more like me. And I miss the 10,000 things to do in Hawaii. I like it here in Mayberry, but I really can't wait to leave.
Here's the cold, hard truth:
He thinks he's doing me a big favor by providing for our family so I can stay home with the kids. And he is. But I think *I* am the one doing the favor by actually staying home. I am NOT cut out for this, I never was, I never wanted to be. I do wish I was, though. I pray for it. I try for it. I pretend like it. But I'm not. I need an effing outlet or my head is going to pop off. My kids deserve better than an angry, frazzled, frustrated, rigid bitch of a mom who stomps around all the time expecting perfection. Okay, maybe I'm not that bad, but I sure feel like I'm getting close.
So...
I think I'm going to take up running. That has to help a person blow off steam, right? Too bad it's already 30 damn degrees outside and I can only go to the gym on weekends. And I need new shoes.
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