Tuesday, December 24, 2013

May Your Heart Be Light

Everyone knows the song Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas, but did you know there was an original version whose lyrics were changed because they were too depressing? Truly. They were changed after WWII to suggest the presence, not the absence, of loved ones. Given the era, I can absolutely understand why.

The original lyrics to the 4th verse are:


Through the years
We all will be together,
If the Fates allow
Until then we'll have to muddle through somehow
And have yourself A merry little Christmas now.

The first time I heard that version was Christmas of 2006, near (what we thought was) the end of Erik's first deployment. The mail had been stopped so we couldn't send gifts or (because they didn't really have access to a dining facility) anything to try to make a nice meal for them. It was very bittersweet, but I thought of them, in the cold mountains, muddling through...somehow - knowing that "from now on our troubles will be miles away" (at least until the next deployment, haha!) But it really, really spoke to me, and I've thought of the first time I've heard that song during every Christmas season since. It's kind of one of those "I remember right where I was when..." moments for me.

So now every time I hear the song, (and it's always the new version) I sing the old version to myself and remember. It still bring tears to my eyes. And I think about how grateful I am that there are folks willing to muddle through holidays away from their families for the sake of strangers. Strangers who, in my opinion (especially during this budget renegotiation on the backs of service members), aren't nearly grateful enough.
Judy Garland's wartime performances of "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" brought tears to the eyes of soldiers, sailors, and Marines - who didn't know if they'd live to see another Christmas - as Garland sang, "Someday soon we all will be together / If the fates allow / Until then we'll have to muddle through somehow / So have yourself a merry little Christmas now."
Read more at http://www.philly.com/philly/opinion/20131208_Beneath_those_songs_of_cheer__a_sad_heart.html#oHrlEwT3orOcJMq1.99
Judy Garland's wartime performances of "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" brought tears to the eyes of soldiers, sailors, and Marines - who didn't know if they'd live to see another Christmas - as Garland sang, "Someday soon we all will be together / If the fates allow / Until then we'll have to muddle through somehow / So have yourself a merry little Christmas now."
Read more at http://www.philly.com/philly/opinion/20131208_Beneath_those_songs_of_cheer__a_sad_heart.html#oHrlEwT3orOcJMq1.99

Monday, December 23, 2013

At the Mall

Then:
I was mad that when Soldiers died their spouses had to choose between receiving their retirement OR their life insurance benefits.

I was mad that whatever amount of money they chose to take was heavily taxed.

I was mad that (minor) children were paying taxes on money they inherited from dads they never met.

And I'm still mad. It seems so unfair.

Now I'm pissed.

The Bipartisan Budget Act passed last week and took with it any semblance of gratitude to our troops ever expressed by our elected leaders.

And I can't help but think that I, and a few other people I've seen chatter about this on Facebook, are the only ones who noticed. Why is no one as pissed off as I am?!

I'm not even mad about the fact that my family was just robbed of $124,000 over the course of my husbands retirement, or that now we're going to have to pay even more out of pocket if we ever choose not to live on post again. It's irritating, but both Erik and I know the budget has to be balanced and we're willing to do our part. Not that we really had a choice...

No, I'm mad because of what no one has talked about yet.

The bill that just took $124,000 out of my family piggy bank, just took $80,000-$120,000 out of the pockets wounded soldiers who had to be medically discharged because of their injuries. Additionally, it takes some of the same effects in the lives of folks who are living without their Soldier spouse or parent. That means, if you went to war and got your leg blown off, your retirement just got cut. If you kissed your husband goodbye and watched him get onto one of those damn buses that took him to a plane, the next time you saw him was in a body bag and the amount the government was paying you to somehow make up for the fact your spouse is DEAD just got cut.

For years Erik has been quoting something he read somewhere along the way "the military is at war, Americans are at the mall," and I didn't really believe him until now.

Here's a list of the leaders who voted to pass the budget bill, and cut military benefits in the process.


I'm hopeful everyone remembers this at election time. I know I certainly will.

Sunday, December 22, 2013

And the Earth Stood Still: December 22, 2005

For a couple of months Erik had been hinting to me about what he bought me for Christmas.

              • It was small
              • Made mostly of metal
              • He would only ever buy one for me
              • Very gender specific

My friends and mom swore, but I didn't think so.

We had never even discussed marriage apart from a singular conversation during an episode of Animal Cops when it was decreed that when we get a pet we should get it from the pound. And once when we were in the early stages of dating when he said he wouldn't wear a wedding ring and I said I wouldn't marry someone who refused. That was it. "People discuss these things to death now-a-days, don't they?" I thought.

When I arrived at his apartment at Ft. Drum for a 16 day visit over Christmas, I waited until he went to work that next day and searched around a little. No dice. Oh well. Marriage was too scary. I was too young. And all the other "toos."

The next day we went to dinner and I told him I thought we should open our personal gifts to each other before heading to his parents house the following day. He said he didn't think so (even though we'd already discussed it beforehand). We got home, and I was pissed. I am a terrible gift giver and was a broke college student, and I didn't want my meager gifts broad casted in front of his family that I didn't know very well. Plus, I just like opening presents.

Finally he agreed. And he gave me a box.
It was definitely small. And light.

I unwrapped it. Moved the tissue and found a tiny pink Swiss Army Knife.

I was relieved and disappointed. I said "This is what you've been giving me hints about?!" (and it did fit all the hints...)

And when I looked up he was on his knee with a ring and said "No, this is."

And proposed.

Apparently I looked like a dear in headlights but somehow managed to squeak out a yes.

Over the next 18ish hours I tried desperately to reach my mom who was skiing in Colorado. I couldn't feel good about announcing the news to Erik's family if I couldn't tell my own mom! Finally, on the way to Erik's parent house she called me back. She was excited and asked to talk to Erik. I guess she asked him if I cried and when he said no, she asked to speak to me again and immediately asked me if I was sure.

The truth then was that I wasn't. I had spent an hour on instant messenger with my best friend the night before after Erik was asleep. Marriage was scary for this child of (multiple) divorce(s). I wasn't sure I'd be a good wife to him. I wasn't sure I was wife material for anyone. I couldn't iron. I couldn't cook. No. I wasn't sure at all. (yes, I know how silly all this sounds now. At the time though, not knowing how to cook seemed like a mountain that could never be climbed.) I wasn't unsure of him, I was unsure of myself. But he was sure and that counted for something. That counted for a lot.

Most importantly, I am definitely sure now.

Saturday, December 21, 2013

"Papa Two Zebras"

Several months ago. I'm going to say like... April... Erik's dad went to Africa for a hunt.

They already have a zebra rug in their living room, which is about the most kid-proof floor covering on the planet, and he wanted a second one to make into a chair. Don't send me any letters people, it is what it is - and he didn't get one anyway.

The first time G asked to call Papa, I told him Papa was in Africa and we'd have to wait. He asked why Papa was in Africa and I said he was looking for a zebra. G reminded me that Papa already had a zebra on the floor, so I told him Papa wanted two zebras.

So then when he'd ask if he could call Papa, I'd say "Papa is in Africa. What's he doing there?" and G would say "Papa TWO zebras!!"

So when Papa came home from Africa, he brought G not one, but two stuffed zebras.



G was thrilled BUT he will NOT allow them to sleep in his bed with him (and the other 7870987 things he has to have in there), they must stay on the desk Erik refinished several years ago. If they move, he freaks out.

I'd pay money to be inside that kids head.

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Bradford the Elf

I moved the Elf on Friday night.

But on Saturday I forgot.

And then on Sunday I forgot.

So Monday morning before getting G out of bed, Erik had to make a quick decision and this is where our Elf ended up.




Yes, that *is* the worlds largest bottle of vodka. It has to live a'top the fridge because it's too big to fit in the cabinet (seriously, it's the length of an adults arm). And I'm pretty sure the level of booze was above the K before Bradford got a hold of it.

Monday, December 16, 2013

Low Key Weekend

We had such a lovely, relaxed weekend this weekend, I can't help but share it.

Friday night was Erik's last late night of school work until mid-January. I think I've mentioned before that he's been working on his masters degree, and does all his work after work once we get the kids in bed. We barely see each other during the week apart from short daily meetings at the breakfast and dinner table where we referee and love on crying babies.

Saturday morning I let Erik sleep in and G and I got up and made Egg Nog pancakes (incredible, BTW! I just used the Pioneer Woman's recipe and replaced the milk with Nog, added a little extra milk and some nutmeg and cinnamon), bacon and eggs a la Grant (he's the best egg whipper around). Once Erik got up, we popped some champagne for mimosas and sat down to eat.

Saturday night we all (dogs included, for some reason) piled on the couch to watch The Polar Express. I'd never seen it, so I didn't know it was going to freak G out. He woke up in the middle of the night with bad dreams, presumably about the creepy puppet and the dude on top of the train, that he kept calling a ghost. We tried to tell him that we thought he was the Christmas spirit but he wasn't buying it. And seriously, where the hell did my kid hear about ghosts?!

Sunday was low key as well. We skipped church because the roads were absolutely wrecked and I drew the lucky sleep-in straw and Piper didn't get me up to eat until 10 (she'd eaten at 7). Man oh man I felt like a whole new person! We've been getting snow just absolutely dumped on us, so both Saturday and Sunday Erik and G went out to shovel the walkway and the driveway. G thinks that's playing in the snow. He has a little shovel and he totally helps Erik get the areas clean. Hey, if it works for him, it works for us!

Sadly for us, Erik went back to work today, though since the university is on break, I don't think they'll be very busy. His parents come Thursday to celebrate an early Christmas with us, before we're on our own for the actual holiday. This is the first year G is really "getting" Christmas, and I'm so excited!

Sunday, December 15, 2013

5 Reasons I Cloth Diaper

1. Let's get to the nitty gritty right off the bat - I have fewer poop dealings. A)Because cloth diapers "blow out" far, far less (if ever), B) Exclusively breast-fed baby poop is water-soluble so I can just throw the poopy diaper and whatever wipes I needed in the washer. Rinse, wash, rinse, dry. Bam.

2. They're insanely cheap in comparison to disposables. In one more month, we'll make back all the money I spent buying top of the line organic cotton cloth diapers (initially... - meaning, excluding the $100ishhhhh I spent on Black Friday on diapers I don't have to do anything with but pull out of the dryer) by not having to buy disposables. And this with still having her in disposables at night (that were buy 1 box, get one box free during P's I'm-too-tired-to-think-about-snaps newborn phase) - so I've spent a grand total of $25 on disposable diapers for P in her lifetime. I haven't bought ANY diapers for either child since early-August. I feel like a millionaire! (and YAY potty training!!!)

3. A freshly laundered basket of diapers is the best feeling ever. It's like the relief of having a new box of diapers. For free. And without having to hassle with going to the store or breaking open the box (because where the hell are the scissors when you need them?) and forcing open the plastic wrap.

4. My baby's Carbon Footprint is less than your baby's Carbon Footprint. Unless you consider the heater that we have to constantly run now, but I guess that's with all babies in winter...

5. Holy crap are they cute. At first I thought people who liked "fluffy butts" had some issues. They make P's clothes lay funny and that irritates me - HOW can people find this cute? Now I know they just meant the print (or, at least I do). Plain old Elmo printed Pampers are lame. P's Hula Girl pocket diaper is where it's at!

A fresh "box" of diapers. Note the cute Hula Girl diaper in the top left. :)

Saturday, December 14, 2013

RIP Ocean Wonders Baby Swing

A few days ago, our baby swing died.

We weren't too sad. It was a hand-me-down from before we had G, and it was battery operated. The batteries we went through per child ran us more than just buying a new swing, but if you don't already know this about us, we're pretty frugal when it comes to "things," we'd rather pay for experiences - this is why we've lugged what I estimate to be a 15 year old, non-matching washer and dryer set all over the country.

But the swing death left us unprepared and I went through 2 of the hardest days with P since she came home. That girl NEEDS her swing for her long mid-morning to early afternoon nap. NEEDS. The first day, she just didn't take the nap at all. So that was awesome... The second day, I literally rocked her for 4 hours. I didn't mind, but it kind of threw me off my rhythm and I haven't really been in the mood to do any naptime housework since (that's my story and I'm stickin' to it).

But the internet came to the rescue and a "mere" 36 hours later, a new swing was sitting on our snow covered porch. I opened the door and exclaimed "thank you, Jesus!"

Now, I told you all that, to tell you this:

I've cancelled Christmas.

There is nothing G could possibly enjoy more than the box the swing came in. He spends HOURS in it a day. It's already starting to come apart at the seams and I'm thinking about fixing it. Yeah, it's a huge box in my living room, but it contains all our main floor toys and they aren't scattered all over anymore. Plus, it's brown, and that kind of goes with our color scheme.

Friday, December 13, 2013

The Elf on the Shelf

For a long time I thought that the idea of the Elf on the Shelf was just plain creepy (um, because it is!) but Erik suggested we get one in order to help Grant behave a little better - because our attempts were most definitely falling short.

So we put in our order for an Elf (either from Santa or Barnes and Noble, believe what you like) and the Saturday after Thanksgiving he showed up, bringing with him a special breakfast to kick off the season.

We ate our snowball donuts and yogurt parfaits, and read the book that the Elf brought with him and gave him a name - Bradford! (Since he came to join our family while we live in Bradford). He also brought along a Santa blanket, because the one G has is as tattered as tattered can be. Those $5 Walmart blankets aren't meant to be washed.



Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Pink Fluff

My mom came to spend Turkey Day with us. Two days before the big day, we took in another family from Erik's office who had their Thanksgiving plans foiled by the storm (I literally had to send Erik out to buy another turkey!) So we had a great group, with extra kids for G to torment play with. I love spending holidays with friends as well as family. Sometimes, we don't put out our best for holiday meals when it's just family (or is that just me?) so I like to have friends around so I feel compelled to make things extra special (and not cheesy when I do so). Plus, something about the Army lifestyle makes me feel like holidays aren't compete without friends around to share it with.
 
Before my mom came I got lots of work done, including making pie crust 3 times because it just wasn't coming together right. I have an observation on that front, by the way: organic flour in your pie crust is useless when the recipe calls for 1/2 C Crisco. Food for thought.
 
 But I digress. I got as much prep work done as I could the day before, but I saved Pink Fluff for my mom to make with G. He's a bit of a pro already and my moms Fluff always tastes better than my own (turns out it's because she drains her pineapple tidbits better than I do).
 


 
 
Pink Fluff is a holiday table staple for me (and now for Erik, I think - he was disappointed when we were already out on Friday) and I think G has picked up the torch as well. And seriously, what are we going to do without that pull out cutting board for G to work at when we move?

Monday, December 9, 2013

The Snow Came Back

A few (two, maybe?) days before Thanksgiving, 6 inches of snow came our way.
 
Erik came home early from work and went out to shovel the driveway. I woke G up from his nap and asked him if he wanted to go help. He looked at me, held up his hands and said "I lost my mitt-tens!" Haha!

So we found them.
 
And he said "My mitt-tens! I love my mitt-tens!"
 
And then he got to work!
 
 


Sunday, December 8, 2013

Thankful

I'm pretty far behind.

My mom was here last week, and I've said before that it's hard to get time on the actual computer when Erik is doing his coursework. I just can't stand to try to type more than a paragraph on my tablet.

So anyway, a few weeks before Thanksgiving, we sat down in the entry way of our house (where we do all projects that need to be done while Piper is sleeping - like pumpkin decorating) and wrote out the things that we're thankful for.

There were the obvious ones: A warm house, a good job, Mom, Dad, Pipes, Grant, Grandparents; but there were also some unexpected ones: clouds, these leaves (in reference to the leaves I had cut out of construction paper that we were using to write our gratitude on) and ambulances.


We then hung the leaves on a ribbon and hung it up in the dining room to remind us of everything we have to be so thankful for. I think G was a little too small to really pick up on the activity but it was a good exercise for Erik and myself if nothing else. We have so much to be grateful for, all year 'round.

Friday, December 6, 2013

3 Months

Late again, of course...

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Giving Tuesday

As you know, I'm a huge proponent of Black Friday (I stayed up until 1AM to save $10 on a diaper sprayer), Small Business Saturday and Cyber Monday. I cheap-out all year until this weekend, where I put the pedal to the medal on things I've been wanting to buy but couldn't justify spending our money on. You may not know this about me, but I RARELY pay full price for things besides groceries (and that's just because I can't fully get the knack for couponing - but I try!). I'd rather spend my money on experiences than things. So I cyber-shop all weekend and I love when the packages start rolling in. I'm a real instant gratification type girl, so waiting for my half price (or greater) goodies is hard. I get excited, even when I know the packages aren't for me (and they often aren't...)

Everyone picks on Black Friday shoppers for "trampling" people for bargains on new things when just the day prior (Thanksgiving), everyone was going around the table giving thanks for the things they already have. It's not like that for me. I don't go trampling people for a cheap TV. We have one. it's not great, but we have it, it's paid for, and it's going to stay on our TV stand until it dies. Again. Because we had it fixed the first time. (This is the same reason we have - literally - a fifteen year old washer and dryer set - but not pair, because they don't match).

BUT at the end of my cyber-shopping-spree comes GIVING TUESDAY, and I LOVE Giving Tuesday. I love that I married someone who loves giving to charity as much as I do - especially since he's the sole breadwinner right now. I love helping!

The first year we were married, Erik and I picked 3 kids off an Angel Tree and bought them toys. We painstakingly chose for each little one, refusing to buy things we thought weren't positive (like Bratz dolls - what the collective heck was up with those?!). We really had fun together and felt good about having spent the money. So we made it a tradition that I have carried on, even during the holidays which he is away. It's amazing what a couple bucks and few minutes can do for your soul.

So, if you're feeling gifty here are a few charities that I'm thinking about this year (and they're legit):

www.AZBrainfood.org - Brain Food discreetly provides underprivileged kids a backpack full of food to eat on the weekends when they don't have access to a school cafeteria.

http://santascause.net/About_Us.html - Delivering Christmas gifts to needy kids in Oklahoma City, OK

http://www.saltwaterchallenge.org/ - Send one of our Wounded Warriors on an all expenses paid trip to Martha's Vineyard to participate in a fishing tournament!

Don't have any extra this year? Not to worry! Go on over to http://www.volunteermatch.org/ and find somewhere you can give a few hours of your time! You get more than you give!

Or, if nothing else fits with your lifestyle, just pack up some stuff you don't need anymore and lug it over to the Salvation Army or Goodwill. All some kids get at Christmas is new-to-them toys. Help give their parents a good selection!

I LOVE Giving Tuesday!

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Thankful #8: The Army

I'm sure this might be an unlikely thing for which to be grateful but I am.

The Army has given me some of the most important people and experiences of my life:

Without the Army I never would have met my husband. If Erik hadn't been stationed in Oklahoma for 6 months in 2004, our paths never, ever would have crossed.


Without the Army, I wouldn't have met many of the incredible people I have in my life. Some of the very best friends I have were brought into my life by the cruelest mistress of all.
  
  
 
 
Without the Army, I wouldn't know how strong I am. I once thought I knew - but I had no idea. More than that, my life wouldn't be peppered with other people who are stronger than I am.

Without the Army, I never would have gotten to see this much of the world. I mean, I guess maybe I would have, but I doubt it. I never really needed to leave Oklahoma.

 
   
 

Without the Army, our lives wouldn't be this secure. Erik majored in History. I majored in Political Science. Those aren't million dollar majors, folks. (Although, neither is the Army)

Without the Army, I wouldn't know to stay the hell away from the commissary on payday. You think you know, but you have no idea - until you're standing in the back of the store by the frozen foods waiting in line for a cashier.

Without the Army, I wouldn't know what it was like to see 500 soldiers march into gym after 12 or 15, or in this case 16 months away.

Ft. Drum, 2007

I wouldn't know what it was like to nervously look for my husband in a crowd of thousands and run to him for a first hug in several months. I wouldn't know the feeling of loss when he left, either, but that feeling of gratitude when returns is indescribable to anyone that's never felt it.

Welcome Home #1: June, 2007

Welcome Home #2: October, 2009

Welcome Home #3: May, 2012
 

Monday, November 18, 2013

Thankful #7: Beckett

G was just a few months old when I found out my sister was expecting and giving the baby up for adoption. I emailed Erik (who was deployed) to tell him to call me - I wanted the baby. I couldn't imagine a part of our family floating around out in the world without knowing he was loved and how he was being taken care of.

When I brought it up to Erik, I think he thought I was joking. But he carefully thought about it and told me that he didn't think it was a good idea. On top of the obviously familial ramifications (what would happen if/when she wanted him back?) there was the fact that Erik left us when G was just a few months old - for him to come home to two babies just over the age of 1 was a little bit more than he could wrap his mind around. I was sad, but I knew he was right.

And a few months later, that little boy found his way into the world and into the arms of the sweetest momma a baby could ever find. And not only do his parents and siblings love him beyond belief, they allow my family to see him whenever we want to. His mom texts my parents photos of him the same way I send pictures of her other grandkids and he and his siblings call my mom Grammie, just like my kids do. They firmly believe (as I do) that the more people that love your kids, the better.

I am so grateful that little boy came into the world to bring so many people joy, and I'm so grateful his family has welcomed ours with open arms.

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Christmas All Year Round

I'm pretty fed up.

There is been a lot of talk on social media regarding Christmas decorations already being displayed in stores, carols being played on the radio, outdoor lights already glowing, etc., and even more talk about boycotting stores that are open on Thanksgiving evening to get a jump on Black Friday.

To all of this I say: Bah-freaking-Humbug.

Many of my friends have chosen celebrate the holidays early this year in order to be able to share them with a deploying service member - in fact, many are having holiday celebrations this very weekend. In my opinion, if Christmas tree displays and carols in the stores make them (and more importantly, their babies) feel a little bit of normalcy, a little bit like they aren't having to celebrate out of turn because a parent has to go into danger, then they're MORE than worth it.

Another "pro" in the column of the early decorations is care packages: Christmas packages for troops deployed overseas need to be sent (usually) by Thanksgiving time in order to be delivered before Christmas. That means gifts selected, packages wrapped, ribbons neatly tied, stockings filled and packed carefully in Flat Rate boxes. Were it not for WalMart putting Christmas decorations out early, families might not get to browse the aisles together, carefully selecting the perfect tiny Christmas tree for Dad's office, or stocking to fill early and send to Mom. Picking out things to send in care packages always made me feel just a little bit closer to Erik. If someone can receive that feeling of closeness from some ill-timed festive holiday displays - I say again, they're more than worth it.

Our own family has celebrated several holidays early before, and having "that feeling" in the air definitely helps when it comes to setting up your Christmas tree in the middle of autumn or roasting a Turkey in early September. In fact, were it not for early Christmas displays, we wouldn't have had a Christmas tree for Grant's first Christmas celebration (because I forgot ours had gone kaput the year before until our "Christmas Eve" in mid-November 2011. Never mind, the many holiday care packages I've packed over the years, whose contents had to be purchased at the first sign of holiday supplies being displayed in stores.)

To be clear: I'm not complaining. I am immensely grateful for every holiday I get to spend with my whole family: be they early, late or on time - and I'd be willing to bet every other military family feels the same way. But I think the general public has forgotten that we still have service members overseas - which means we still have families kissing their Soldiers goodbye for 3, 6, 9, 12 months at a time and babies waking up without a parent on Christmas Day.

The bottom line is avoidance, people. If you don't like the Christmas displays (that I submit do seem to come earlier and earlier every year), don't go to that side of the store. If you don't like the carols playing on the radio, change the station. But some people DO like those things, some people NEED them. I envy the luxury you have to put holidays in their little boxes and not need to think about them until the time comes. To not have to open those little boxes early because your husband is only home from his third year-long trip to the Middle East for 2 weeks and you have to cram your child's entire first holiday season into those few days.

Similarly, if I have to hear one more thing about the unfortunate retail workers going in on holiday evenings for those early shoppers I'm going to scream. Do you watch football on Thanksgiving? Do you run to the corner store for that forgotten can of evaporated milk that goes in your famous pumpkin pie? Do you expect law enforcement officers to come to your aid, or medical professionals to tend to you should the need arise? It's no different. You just don't notice because you're the one who is being afforded the convenience of folks working on holidays. My dad is a law enforcement officer and my mom is a nurse - they worked every other holiday season. Our family survived, we kids are fine - Santa just came a day early or a day late to accommodate, we didn't know the difference. I worked retail all through college and I would volunteer to work on holidays for the extra money and so those with kids could be home to celebrate (because like I said, my family often operated on an amended holiday schedule). I didn't mind, I always thought working on holidays was nice because we were busy, everyone was cheerful and "that feeling" was thick in the air. Whose to say those working on Thanksgiving evening are all that upset about it?

And besides football players, cops and gas station attendants, do you know who else works on holidays? Service members. And no one is planning to boycott freedom on Turkey Day are they?

I didn't think so.

All this said, I sincerely hope that while you sit around your Thanksgiving tables, surrounded by those you love, bickering over who gets the last scoop of Pink Fluff (oh, that's just my family?) you consider the families I mentioned above, and the sacrifice they're making. I hope you say a prayer of   peace and blessings of safety for them, and those they love who are in harms way, until their family can be united around a Thanksgiving turkey or Christmas ham again, even if it's in the middle of July.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Just Need to Brag

I just want to take a second and brag on Little G.

Even though he is constantly told not to touch this or that, to "be quiet because P is sleeping," and "I can't right now because I need to change P," or whatever the case may be, this boy has never complained about his world getting turned on end. Not one single time.

Not when she cries all the way home from wherever we've been because she hates her car seat (though he will hold his hands over his ears), not when I can't rock him at night because I'm rocking the baby and dad is doing homework, not when we tell him he can't go near her because he's got "germies."

He is such a patient, kind-hearted boy. I'm so, so glad he's ours.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Thankful #6

A few months ago, G went through this phase of telling me we should go buy something or asking if he could buy something he wanted but we didn't have.

One night Erik and I were putting him to bed and he asked for another cup of milk. I told him we didn't have any milk and he started crying (as toddlers do) saying "Please buy some milk, Mommy," and "I'll buy it" (presumably from his piggy bank money). I sat on the floor while Erik rocked him thinking how unbelievably awful it must be to have your baby begging for something as simple as milk, and not being able to give it to them. I started to tear up a little bit just sitting there thinking about it.

I mentioned it to Erik after we got G in bed and we had both been having the same thought. What it must be like not to be able to provide for your little one. I think about folks in countries in which sex is used indiscriminately as a weapon, where children are kidnapped and forced into militias. It's easy to dismiss those thoughts, assuming those people don't have the regard for human life that we do, but how can that be true? How can you carry a baby inside you and be able to see the worst happen to it? I just can't imagine. I can't imagine not being able to keep my children safe - it's my biggest fear. The world can be so cruel.

I am so, so, so incredibly grateful that my kids have full tummies all the time, that they have shelter over their heads, a door that locks them in (a safe home) at night.

And someday I hope to be grateful for the bravery it takes to turn a kid out into the world and let it live it's own life. Because seriously, I have no idea how I'm ever going to get from here to there.

Monday, November 11, 2013

Thankful #5: Thank You is Not Enough

I started to get on Facebook this morning to complain about the fact that on Veterans Day, when my husband could and should be off work and spending time with his family in celebration of the fact he's made it safely home to us so many times, he is going to be driving all over creation participating in various Veterans Day programs, whilst Americans who haven't made nearly the sacrifice, sit at home watching television.

But then I remembered where I spent last Veterans Day.


And I decided that I'd just go on ahead and shut the hell up.
 
Because even though I don't see my husband nearly as much as either of us expected when he took this assignment. I see him. Nearly every day. And even though he has to spend the whole day away from home when he should get a rare weekday off, he'll still come home at the end of the day. And those white markers mean that someone out there isn't seeing their loved one anymore at all.

I remember thinking that day at Arlington, walking with two veterans that are near and dear to my heart as we found the near dozen headstones of folks buried in section 60 that we had known, how I needed to really soak in the feeling of that place, and the smell in the air, and the leaves under my feet because I was in the company of incredible heroes on a day to celebrate their very existence. How lucky I was to be able to honor these Americans on this day, in this place. My heart was filled with such gratitude and my eyes were filled with tears.
 
And then I looked up at the men stopped in front of me (Erik and our friend Mike), looking down at the gravestone of their fallen Battalion Commander, and I realized that I have spent nearly every day of my married life in the company of heroes. And my heart is almost always filled with this sense of gratitude. 
 
But I suppose it's because I know something that most people don't. You know, it amazes me when people say they don't know anyone who has served in the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan because nearly every young man in my life has. I guess that's just a product of living this lifestyle but I can't imagine a life without the ups and the downs and the hellos and goodbyes. It seems so foreign. It seems so ordinary. How lucky I am to be surrounded by brave men and women, willing and able to, at the drop of a hat, pack up and leave their families for places unknown to many of the rest of us. My meager contribution to society (what ever it was or may be) can never, ever compare.
 
How grateful I am to have known some of these brave men and women. How honored I am to call them friend. How thankful I am to live among them, in this great nation. On this day, as well as many others during the year I make an attempt, however small, at showing my gratitude to those who've put their lives on the line for our country. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
 
Thank you.

Sunday, November 10, 2013

Thankful #4: My In-Laws.

I like my parents-in-law.

And I'm pretty sure they like me too.

Do you know how much easier this makes life?

I admit that sometimes I get a little irritated with them, for whatever reason. But not only am I sure the feeling is occasionally mutual, but also, I get irritated with my own parents the same way.

They really do love me like I'm one of theirs, and I love them like they're mine. Pat is no less likely to call me to chat than my own mom, and every summer Ken sends me a picture of a cherry limeade from a Sonic he stopped at during his travels because it made him think of me. I feel like I can talk to either of them about anything, and I really feel like both of them speak very candidly to me as well. I don't think twice about spending time at their house, even if Erik isn't around and man alive do they love my kids. It's hard not to love people who love the hell out of your kids.

I'm really, really grateful for the new family I got when I married Erik.

Saturday, November 9, 2013

Full Disclosure: I Have Great Friends

The number of messages, emails and texts I received in response to my post about my unhappiness in my current situation has been quite surprising.

I have said several times that I really only write on here for myself usually, so to know so many people are reading is kind of nice. Though I wish I had known before I posted something so damn whiny, because I'm not usually like that. But I guess if you're reading this you know me, and you know I'm not that whiny.

So thanks for all the uplifting comments and the complements. I've been feeling so discouraged not only with my status as a stay at home mom, but my feeling of absolute incompetence at the job - to the point that I wondered if I was supposed to stop having children. It's comforting to know I'm not alone in this sometimes discouraging journey. Moms I thought had it all together have told me that they feel the same way, which is the most comforting thing of all. Even supermoms get the blues.







Thursday, November 7, 2013

Thankful, Day 3.

I was a pretty angry kid. I don't like to think I had a bad childhood. In fact, I didn't really think I had a childhood much different than anyone else's ("Every one's is hard, isn't it?") until my mom recently told me otherwise.

I won't go into specifics except to say that I don't speak to my biological father, and I haven't for some time. He isn't a good person, he wasn't a good father and he wasn't a good husband to my mom (or the other handful of women he has married). And it's my understanding that he's now reaping what he's sown. Alone.

I have spent a lot of time in my life overcoming the feelings he hurt and the emotional damage he did. But I've spent a lot less time than someone else might need, because my mom and step-dad (though I call him dad) were there to pick up the pieces he always managed to leave in his wake.

They pushed and prayed and protected and worried, I'm sure, more than I'll ever understand. They took me to counselors, and talked and lectured endlessly. My mom told me she used to get physically sick when she had to let me go over for my visitation every other weekend (or whenever he could get around to picking me up). But somehow they raised me to be a productive member of society, and I'm sure it took even more work because I was already sort of in the negative. It took some time but they fixed me right up. They helped fix the damage someone else might just be doomed to live with forever.


Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Gratitude Month #2: My Sweet Babies

How does a person even begin to describe how grateful they are for their children. It seems impossible to put all these feelings into words.

I've never met anyone whose made me happier for merely existing, made sad (for growing so fast or for when they're in pain), made me worry so much (about every.single.thing), made me laugh so hard or made me more proud. And I've certainly never met anyone as stinkin' cute as these little curtain crawlers of ours.

I'm grateful that these Little's make me try harder every day to be a better person. In fact, they make me want to do everything better. I try so hard to put good thoughts in their head and feelings in their heart and good food in their tummies. And I'm grateful that in turn they've caused me to put better food in my own tummy, better thoughts in my own head and better feelings in my own heart. I'm so grateful for the impact they've made on my life. It's true that you never really know love until you're a parent. You can think you do, but you really, truly have no idea. I am so grateful that they've shown me what this love is. I don't know how I lived so long without my heart being as full as it is now that they're in my life.

G is such a hilarious addition to our family. He's as quick witted as Erik is, he's smart, he's independent, he's charismatic, he's creative, he's tough, he's aware, he's precious, and he holds everyone in our family (grandparents included) in the palm of his hand. He's one of my sweetest friends. I live for "I zhove you, Mommy." And he loves his baby sister. I am so, so, so incredibly proud and grateful that he's ours.

Piper is such a sweet, smiley baby. I don't yet know much about her personality, other than she's going to be as active as her brother (though maybe not as great a sleeper). What I do know is that she makes us all so happy with her smiles and her coos. She loves us all so much already, as evidenced by the fact that she's always happy to see one of us and she lets us kiss on her sweet, chubby cheeks as often as we want. Well, that and that she's started sleeping much better. ;) It's so funny how much you can love a person that you really don't even know that well yet.

I'm also grateful that, along these lines, Erik is here to enjoy P's first year. I can't imagine how excruciating it was for him to miss all of G's firsts and I know being here for Piper will help him build a really special bond with her.

I'm pretty lucky.

Monday, November 4, 2013

Gratitude Month Begins with Erik

Well since I'm pretty bad at remembering to blog (though things are looking up, lately), I'm not going to do the daily thankful thing on here, but I do have a lot to be thankful for, and would like to expand on those topics, so I'll just sprinkle in my gratitude posts amongst my sporadic other posts. ;)

On the very, very, very top of my list:

I am thankful for my husband.

Erik works so hard for us. He's up at 5:30AM for PT (he got up at 4:30AM when we lived in HI so he could beat the traffic) and he gets home between 6 and 7:30PM, and helps me get the kids fed and in bed. He then retreats to the family room computer to work on his homework, and doesn't crawl in to bed until midnight or later. Although this schedule isn't permanent, it is permanent for the rest of our time here. He'll get a bit of a break when he goes back to Thailand this summer, but in order to get school done as soon as he could, he has to go with the flow of this hideous schedule for about 7 more months.

I'm grateful for the home he provides, the food in our tummies and the clothes on our backs. I'm sure it's a burden to know he has all these mouths to feed on his own, but he never complains and never makes me feel like I work any less than he does.

Even though I've complained, I'm grateful that his hard work affords me the opportunity to stay home with our kids. I may not be worthy of the task, but I can't imagine anyone else spending this much time with my babies.

I am grateful that he's strong enough and brave enough to have put his life on the line for our country multiple times. I am grateful for the times he's survived things he wasn't so sure he was going to. I'm extraordinarily grateful that he has no long term "side effects" of these experiences.

I am grateful that he's smarter than I am. And I'm grateful that he thinks that I'm the smarter one.

I'm grateful for the great care he took of me while I was recovering from having Piper. I didn't get experience that with him when I had Grant and it felt good to be taken care of, since I feel like I always do the care-taking around here.

I am grateful that he's such a sweet dad. And I'm everso grateful he helped me create these ridiculously sweet babies.

I'm grateful that he pushes me to go to church. It makes me feel like I'm living with my parents again sometimes, but I know it's the right thing to do - even though I'm really tired and would rather sleep in while I have the chance.

I'm grateful that he's hilarious and makes me laugh every single day.

Sunday, November 3, 2013

October Little Things

This sweet girl got her 2 month shots. This was before. :(
 

G got a flu shot the same day. He was pretty excited about it going in. The nurse made me hold him down while she did it (which I think makes the whole thing about 10x worse) and when she stuck him he looked at me angrily, eyes squinted and said "Ow!" - he didn't scream it, just sharply, like he was super surprised that I was right when I told him they don't tickle. He watches an episode of Sid the Science Kid on Amazon about vaccinations and he's wanted a doctor kit and to get a shot for about a month now. In fact, not too long ago he got a pen and gave himself "a shot." Apparently he was pretty damn sick. And he thinks shots = stripes.


I don't want to brag, but 3 nights ago I got six hours of sleep in a row.

Erik's office lost one of their contractors (the contract ended), luckily for Erik, he's the one who has to pick up the slack. He doesn't get home until 7:30PM on Wednesday nights and has to be out of the house before we get up on Thursday. And on Tuesday. That, coupled with his school work means we pretty much never get to see him during the week. We all live for Saturday (nights - because he usually has to work days during the Fall to recruit students) and Sundays. Didn't we take this job so he could spend more time with the family?!

My YMCA membership starts back up tomorrow! I'm not taking P in yet though, so that means I can only go on weekends when Erik is home to stay with her. So... that's like one or two days a week. Yay progress?

Erik took G on some errands last Saturday morning, to get G a haircut and to the store. P was asleep when they left and stayed asleep the whole time. It was like I was alone for two.whole.hours. Apparetly as G walked past some ladies at the salon (we take him to the Smart Style at Walmart because they have a TV so he sits still - they do a terrible job anyway though...) and said "Hi ladies!" and then climbed up in his seat. Such a ham.

Let's take a look at those chubby cheeks again, shall we?

Cars still litter every available surface in the family room/play room. I'll probably be pretty sad when they don't.
Yeah. Please excuse our terrible end tables and that excellent glare.
We got the table at Goodwill last summer for $5 and have been too
busy/lazy/tired to do anything with it.

I'm knee deep in Christmas shopping. We have decreed that we aren't going anywhere for any holidays for the rest of the year. My mom is coming for Thanksgiving and it's looking like Christmas will be just us this year. We didn't want to drag the baby out and we wanted to spend at least one Christmas in this house, as we'll probably be gone by this time next year. I'm pretty stinking excited about Christmas this year. Grant is already telling me (and everyone who will listen) that he wants "Ho Ho" to bring him a doctor kit and some magwet cars. (Train cars that magnetize together)

This is the first outfit I bought when I found out I was pregnant. It's a 6 month outfit. Her body is so long, and coupled with cloth diapers we have to put her in 6 month onesies pretty much all the time now. The other day she wore a 9-month tunic shirt. She better stop growing - I only have clothes for her up through 9 months.



On Saturday night we had a family movie night. I selected Lilo and Stitch. Erik nor I had never seen it before, and I knew it was set in HI which G I thought G would get a kick out of. It was adorable and G has asked to watch it every day since (though I've only allowed it twice more). The Hawaiian music, the dancing, the accents - man I miss our island home. I think how wonderful it would be to be stationed there again, but then I remember it could never be the same as it was.

Living in a split-level home has it's challenges. I have this thing where I try to take something up and bring something down every time I go up or down some stairs. Of course, now that I have a baby to carry around, it's a little more complicated. Anyway, I'll often tell G to put something on the stairs so I can take it up. This is what usually happens.



And if anyone wants to come shampoo those disgusting things, be my guest. :)


Saturday, November 2, 2013

Grant-isms: October Edition

G: That truck is full of toys for you.
S: Oh yeah? What kind of toys do moms play with?
G: Ummmm.... brooms and washing machines.

G, holding a toy: I'm shooting!
Grandma Pat/Sheena, simultaneously: How do you know about shooting?! ( Because seriously, no one discusses it in front of him and he certainly doesn't know about it from television)
G: College.
S: COLLEGE?!
G: Yeah. Do you remember college?
S: Vaguely.
G: Yeah, probably vaguely.

I'm upstairs with Pipes, G and Erik are having breakfast. Piper is crying.
G: That's Piper. She not like anything.

At the airport picking up Papa, walking to the car, Erik is leading the way:
G: Follow my fazur (father), Papa!
Everyone laughs.
G, to Papa: Do you know my fazur?
S: Papa is your father's father. Did you know that?
G: NO WAY!

S: Do you like Piper?
G: Um... Yeah... A linna (little) bit. She cries a lot, you know.

G: About what you talking? Facebook?
E: Facebook? How do you know about Facebook?!
G: Jesus is on Facebook.

G: I love you more ice cream!
S: Really?!
G: Nope. I was just joking.

G: Mommy, there is something's wrong with my finger.
S (upon noticing it's a hangnail): Hmm, what is that?
G: Oh... Just a piece of someone's leg

 
 
"Huprise!" = Surprise!
This is the face he makes when you wink at him.



Friday, November 1, 2013

Full Disclosure: Life's Not Perfet

I've danced around the subject for awhile, but I'm just going to go ahead and admit it:

I don't like being a stay at home mom.

I don't find it validating. I don't find it freeing. And most of all, I don't find myself worthy of the task.

But here I am. A) Because Erik is gone so much, I feel like my kids need a very reliable, always available parent and B) Because I can barely stand to leave my kids with a babysitter once a month, never mind have to do it every day.

I know I should be grateful for the opportunity to stay home, and I am, but that doesn't make feeling stagnate any easier. It doesn't make answering "no," when asked if I work any less embarrassing. I miss working. I miss adults. I miss having great stories to tell (that aren't about poop). I miss being really, really good at something. I am not good at this.

And I'm bitter because Erik gets validation and he gets adult interaction and he gets to pee with the door shut and he has great stories (that don't involve poop) to tell me when he gets home from work. He is really, really good at his job.

And on top of "getting to go to" work, he goes to a men's fellowship group through our church on Tuesday nights. (Yes, they have one for women during the weekday, but I don't have a sitter and there aren't a ton of stay at home moms around here, so I suspect they're all older ladies.) Anyway, the other day I flipped my lid on him for going to men's group and leaving me with two screaming children who hadn't been bathed, that needed to be put to bed, and were still reeling from being vaccinated a few hours before, all while I was still trying to do the dinner clean-up. I told him it was unfair that he got to go out and have fun and stick me at home with the kids. "I need a break!" and he said that I should just say something when I need to get out and that he'd happily help accommodate me, "but you don't have anything to do." Well, I could sure as hell come up with something. How about the fact I'm in desperate need of new gym shoes, but I can't try any on with G in the stroller pulling down everything on whatever rack he can reach and P strapped to my front? Ever tried to try on shoes while sporting a Baby Bjorn? Don't. It pisses off your baby something fierce.

I stay home all the time because I don't have any outside hobbies, because I can't get out of the house to pursue anything. How am I supposed to develop any more outside friendships or hobbies when I can't get outside these four walls and (even though I have absolutely no reason to) feel guilty for every cent I spend.

I'm not a hermit by nature. But I don't feel like I'm swimming in options. I miss living on an Army base, and I miss being surrounded by people who are more like me. And I miss the 10,000 things to do in Hawaii. I like it here in Mayberry, but I really can't wait to leave.

Here's the cold, hard truth:
He thinks he's doing me a big favor by providing for our family so I can stay home with the kids. And he is. But I think *I* am the one doing the favor by actually staying home. I am NOT cut out for this, I never was, I never wanted to be. I do wish I was, though. I pray for it. I try for it. I pretend like it. But I'm not. I need an effing outlet or my head is going to pop off. My kids deserve better than an angry, frazzled, frustrated, rigid bitch of a mom who stomps around all the time expecting perfection. Okay, maybe I'm not that bad, but I sure feel like I'm getting close.

So...
I think I'm going to take up running. That has to help a person blow off steam, right? Too bad it's already 30 damn degrees outside and I can only go to the gym on weekends. And I need new shoes.

Thursday, October 31, 2013

The Lazy Potty Trainers

We've got to get this job done because I want G to start preschool in January, and they won't take him with diapers. I get it, but man alive is this job daunting. I put it off when I was pregnant because I was tired and pregnant. I didn't consider the time crunch I'd be up against by putting it off.

Here's the thing, though:

If you wait until your kid is practically begging to start peeing on the potty, the training process isn't too terrible.

We equipped ourselves with a frog potty, a couple of packs of stickers and a fire hat my mom sent (that he gets to wear on the potty and turn on the lights and siren if he goes).

Stupidly, I started hitting it hard on Monday, knowing we had to be out pretty much all day on Tuesday and Wednesday - so I'm pretty sure Monday doesn't even count. So here we are, starting fresh.

We turned on a space heater in the family room (it's a furnished basement so it's cold down here) and G is running around pants-less-ly playing, sipping on juice (which he seldom gets so he's drinking a ton) and peeing away. The first day he got to get a sticker for each pee, and I swear, he peed 45 times in an hour. And over these two days we've only had two accidents!

Moral of the story is: Lazy parenting pays off. Sometimes. Okay, maybe just this once.

Adding a sticker to his road. That sucker was filled up front and back by hour 2.

Cheesin' in his fire hat. Love our 50's cabinetry.

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Pumpkin Fun

I don't like Halloween. I don't like what it's about. I don't like spending money on costumes. I don't like that people think once they're in costumes they don't have to act like responsible human beings. And I don't like carving pumpkins because it's messy and squishy and gross. I also don't really like having candy in the house or in my kids tummy.

But I do like my kids and I know that this is the last year I'll be off the hook for celebrating Halloween legitimately. In the mean time though, I have successfully gotten by just sticking stickers on pumpkins and just avoiding the costume aisle at WalMart.