The Face of Number 4,000

Listen, I want you to read part of an article that I recently came across. I cut and paste the political crap out of it because I don't believe it has a place in between paragraphs about a man who died for his country. If you want to read the whole thing you can here. 

Chris Hake was from my hometown in Oklahoma. He was a good person and a patriot. He died for our country on March 28, 2003, in Baghdad. It was Easter Sunday. He left behind a wife and son. He left a hole. Let us not forget him.

"... I want to tell you about number 4,000, because he has a name and he had a wonderful life to come.

His name is Christopher M. Hake. He was a U.S. Army Staff Sargent. More importantly, he was a husband to wife Kelli and a father to 1-year-old son, Gage.

He was from Enid, Oklahoma — and he was 26 years old.

We can’t say for sure that Hake was number 4,000 of our Iraq dead because Pvt. George Delgado, 21, of Palmdale, Calif., Pfc. Andrew J. Habsieger, 22, of Festus, Mo. and Spc. Jose A. Rubio Hernandez, 24, of Mission, Texas all died in a horrible blast earlier this week when, according to the Defense Department, “their vehicle encountered an improvised explosive” in Baghdad.

...

Hake, a graduate of the Oklahoma Bible Academy (OBA), who lived with his wife and infant son near Fort Stewart, GA, was described by grieving family members as a man devoted to his belief that he was helping the Iraqi people and, more than anything, the men with whom he served.

“He was 100 percent sure we should be there, and he talked of the love of the Iraqi people for him and his guys,” said his father, Peter Hake, who also said his son loved the men in his command. “He said they would die for each other, and they did,”

And he had made a quick decision to sign up. The boy described by his father as an “energetic, rambunctious kid” simply went to the military recruiter’s office after he graduated from high school and returned home having enlisted in the Army.

“He got out of high school and didn’t know what to do. I mentioned the service, and I was thinking the Air Force,” Pete Hake said. “He went down to see his recruiter that day and came home and told me he had joined the Army.”

The 26-year-old, who was on his second combat deployment to Iraq, was remembered by his former high school principal as respectful and quiet.

“We saw him go on after graduation in 2000 to show his true heart as a kid who is very devoted. He still had strong ties here at OBA,” said Principal Mark Shuck of the young man who graduated in 2000. “He was an all-American kid. He was ‘yes sir,’ ‘no sir’ and very respectful. I would use him as an example to other kids as they grow up. He always fit that mode very well.”

“He was quietly compassionate. He generally cared for people.”

Chris Hake had been married for just under three years and his father said going on the second tour of duty in Iraq was an enormously difficult choice — made all the more painful by having to leave his baby son.

“It literally tore his heart out to walk out on that boy,” said Peter Hake. “It made him wish he could be done with the war.”

As do the vast majority of Americans.

...

And near or on number 4,000, we should remember the face of Christopher M. Hake, who died at only 26 years old."

Blind Grandmas and Family Secrets

My aunt died very unexpectedly about 8 years ago. It was incredibly traumatic for everyone and I flew home from Hawaii right away for her service and to be with my family.

While I was at home, my Mima (and my mother's mother), told me to go to her bedroom drawer and grab a velvet pouch. So I gave it to her and she dumped the pouch full of rings into her hand and started feeling them to figure out which was which. My Mima was blind, by the way. She tells me that since I'm the oldest granddaughter, I get first pick of which of these I want to keep.

So she picks up one ring, a yellow gold band, and tells me that this was her father's ring. It was made from Leadville, Colorado gold, the town where he and her mother had settled after marrying, and that it was special because he had served as the sheriff of Leadville, Colorado.

Then she picked up another ring. I wish I could remember the story for that one.

Then she picked up another one. It looked like an engagement ring, to be honest. She told me that this was her mother's ring, but that she never wore it. It was from a man, known to my Mima as Uncle Something-or-Other. Her mother, "Granny Cane" is what we called her by the way, had carried it around in her purse for as long as my Mima could remember, and that the Uncle So-and-So had been around for all the family celebrations and holidays, but she knew that this man wasn't really an uncle.

I took that ring because I thought "There's a story here."

And I found out recently that there might be!

More on this soon.

Unfriended.

Despite the content of this post implying otherwise, I am not a person who keeps track of her FB friends count. I don't ever notice I've been unfriended until I think "I wonder what's up with so-and-so" and I search for their name only to find we aren't friends anymore. Though I do not usually ever unfriend people (the Army is much too small and I am far too voyeuristic), I do not harbor hard feelings about this - I know me, I know I'm a little much for some. I do harbor curious ones, though... I wonder what exactly was the impetus for the unfriending.

Did you just have enough of the potty training talk?
Was it the part where I bemoaned my extra-cushy life as a stay at home mom - the getting nothing done despite having all the time in the world?
The silly things my kids said?
Was it that time I mentioned that Jesus probably loves gay people too?
Was it that time I told you that brown people were people too?
Was it when I mentioned that there was a third political choice between a criminal and a bigot?
Was it that time I told you that while most Americans were at the mall, a small percentage of Americans were still being shot at in lands far from home?
The time I posted that if he builds that wall, I would teach my kids to tear it down?
Social commentary on the anti-vaccine movement?
Or maybe it was my over use of commas?
Sideline commentary?
Randomness?
The ENTIRE 2016 election cycle?

Yall. I see my flaws. But I seriously wouldn't unfriend someone for any of those reasons. Here are the reasons I have unfriended people:
They posted spoilers about The Walking Dead.
They ruined McDreamy's death.
They can't spell literally ANYTHING.
They are know-it-alls.
They only comment to be divisive and never to be uplifting.

Are you deeper than I? Am I just willing to overlook more because I'm so damn nosy? Do I just pick out random things about people to dwell on?

Yes.

#feelslikehome

It occurred to me recently that Erik and I have been married so long that we didn't get to have a wedding hashtag.

I wondered then, what might it have been.

#octoberthenaprilfinallyjuly For all those times the Army threw a wrench in, or downright wrecked our plans?

Could it be #freakingfinally which was the first phrase my sweet friend Katie said to me when we woke up on the morning of my wedding.

What about #plannedinthreeweeks for the amount of time we had to plan after Erik came home from Afghanistan.

I had a few other funny ones pop in my head as I was cooking dinner and thinking about this the other night. But ultimately I settled on #FinallyJorgensen or #feelslikehome, for the most obvious reasons.

Don't know what all the "finally"'s and "octoberthenaprilthenjuly" talk is all about?

Find out here, and here.

Things I've "Read" Lately

Let's just start by saying that I don't "read" things during this season. I listen to them on Audible. Erik says this is not the same, but he is very wrong. If you feel the way he does, just read words instead of listening to them. But seriously, there is something to be said for listening to a book being read BY THE PERSON WHO WROTE IT. They know those pages and the emotion and thoughts contained therein, far better than a random reader does. #AudibleFTW

Currently Reading:

Own The Day, Own Your Life by Aubrey Marcus - LOVING it. If I were a fitness fanatic, I'm pretty sure I'd be the female equivalent of this guy. So I guess that means he's abrasive. But I'm obviously fine with it. Tell it to me like it is, Aubrey! But not while my kids are nearby. #howmanytimescanhesayssexinonechapter

Recently Completed:

Robert's Rules, a Quickstart Guide by Clydebank Business. I joined the Spouses Club here on post and am suddenly the Parliamentarian. I am, as you might (not) be surprised to learn, nerdy enough to already have known RROO before this, the book was merely a refresher.

Beneath the Surface by Heidi Perks. This one was for book club. Ole Heidi likes to talk. But it was a good story once it started moving! Pretty safe to listen to while the children are around.

The Magnolia Story by Chip and Joanna Gaines. I like Fixer Upper and I like memoirs read by their author(s). Chip Gains kind of exhausts me and this story did not do anything to put me more in his corner. But they seem like fantastic parents and community leaders, and I enjoyed it overall!

Girl Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis. I wasn't super into this book. Everyone kept singing it's praises so I kept slogging through. Rachel seems awesome, I want to be her friend. But I wasn't moved until the last chapter. Then I was REALLY moved.

I'm actually kind of proud to have finished 6 books in the last couple of months. Maybe my brain will be less swiss cheese-y soon!

Army Wife Etiquette 101

Friends. Largely, I do not give a rats-ass about rank or how wives conduct themselves within the Army. My motto is generally "You do you, Boo Boo, and I'll decide if I want to be around that." But we need to talk about RSVP etiquette and other related matters that largely relate to the O wife. I am so tired of the inconsideration that I have been seeing within the spouse community that I could just scream. But that would be rude. (Is it less rude to dime people out on my blog? I'm not sure, but here we go.)

I'm going to assume for the purposes of this post that folks do NOT know what proper etiquette is so I'm going to enlighten them. There is no shame here now, I am NOT mad at anyone, but if you read this and then continue to act rudely, I will throw shade your direction. Because once you know, continuing to act this way is RUDE AF.

Here we go. Hold on to your hats.

Wait.

First, let me say, I hope you are attending your battalion coffees if they're offered. There is no reason not to. They are THE BEST part about Army life for spouses. I WOULD NOT DO THE ARMY, COULD NOT DO THE ARMY if it weren't for coffees. The friendships I have made through them are invaluable. The knowledge I have gained has been invaluable. Coffees are invaluable. Sure, the first few in a new place are awkward, but just swallow it and go. You'll be SO grateful.

Now then.

Now is the time to grab on to your hats. You're thinking hats. Listening hats. Comprehension hats. Whatever. Put it on and absorb this information.

1. If you receive any sort of invitation, you need to respond as soon as possible - whether the answer is yes or no. Why? Because it's polite. Should the host really need to reach out to every single person to determine their attendance? No. She's already doing all the work by hosting! But this is the only way to get an accurate headcount these days. Which is lame, because ain't nobody got time for that.

1A. This is evite specific because most groups use them now days. You need to respond to the Evite as soon as you know if you'll attend or not BECAUSE THE HOST CAN SEE IF YOU'VE READ THE EVITE AND JUST IGNORED IT. Big brother is watching you ignore your host. And it's... wait for it... RUDE. You don't need to respond the second you see it, but within a few days is preferred, and CERTAINLY before the reminder email goes out from Evite, because by then, homegirl has already gone to the grocery store.

2. If you say you're coming, please come. The host has added you to their headcount and bought food/drinks/paper goods/favors for you. In the case of a welcome or a farewell, the door fee that you have agreed to pay is now being counted on to put toward gifts. YOUR ATTENDANCE WAS REQUESTED, YOU SAID YOU'D GO, PEOPLE WANT TO SEE YOU.

3. Do NOT RSVP for someone else that wasn't on the guest list. There's a reason they weren't on it. Sometimes the guest of honor says she wants to cap the attendance at a certain number, or relegate invitees to specific groups. Sometimes Army protocol is a cruel mistress. Don't make it weird, yo.

So I'm sure you're thinking "Sheena... Where has this come from?"

Well.... I've been stewing for a few years TBH, but recently, a friend and I hosted a farewell for our husband's former battalion commanders wife (did you get all that?), as they were leaving command and Fort Stewart. It was NOT OUR JOB. Sometimes the Army has expectation of spouses, but in this case, this was not one currently put upon us. HOWEVER, we wanted to make sure it was done right and not drop it on the new senior spouses of the battalion the second they walked through the door, so we did it. Also, we LOVE the wife in question, so it was an honor to host for her.

Enter ALL THE RUDENESS. Someone who was unfamiliar with how these things work (invitation only...) arbitrarily invited her friend to come along. Okay, fine. Not exactly cool, but she wasn't a "usual" in the group, so I thought it might make her feel more comfortable to bring a friend. Then NEITHER of them came. Nor did 4 other people who RSVP'd yes - one who has a special diet which we planned for, and 2 others who were "maybe" up until 2 hours before the event was to start.
ONE of them reached out with an emergency and said she wasn't able to come. Because she was in the actual emergency room. And she has offered to pay her $10 door fee, which I declined because she was IN THE HOSPITAL.

Those people NOT coming cost my co-host and myself $80 in projected reimbursement and wasted food.

And this has happened to me before. When Erik was the XO of another battalion, it was my honor to throw a farewell for that commander's wife as well. People came that did not RSVP and then "forgot" cash to pay me for their food/gifts. They brought children to eat, that they didn't RSVP or pay for, regardless of the fact that the invitation clearly stated I would be paying the restaurant by the head. A few offered to paypal me, but no one ever did. These were spouses that "outranked" me, for the most part, so I am not just looking the way of young people here.

And in truth - it's not about the money. In both cases, I wanted to throw my friend a gorgeous farewell  to thank them for their service and mentorship, and was going to go over budget regardless to make sure they felt the weight of my appreciation for all that had done for the spouses of their respective battalions.

It's about the fact that if EIGHT people didn't show up to every event that senior military spouses have to host, they'd be washing money down the drain like it was dish soap. It's rude. It's a waste of resources. It's disrespectful. DON'T DO IT.

Here are the takeaways:

1. RSVP. Yes or no. No is not rude. Ignoring people is rude.
2. Come if you say you will. Reach out if you can't make it.

That's it.

Are these not lessons for life? Be respectful and do what you say you're going to.

The end.

Be (Y)Our Guest

My hilarious friend Karen is a blogger who blogs regularly. That doesn't seem like it should be a point of distinction, but as a blogger that can't get her blogging life together for more than a few months at a time, I can tell you: it's a feat, people. I'm guest blogging over there today, because she's even a regular blog updater when she's on vacation. Find me there, today, for some thoughts on surviving summer vacation with what little #momlife dignity you started out with. Thanks for having me, my friend!

PS- Here's a fun fact about Karen that I bet even she doesn't know. She, along with her husband Clay, was the first person Erik ever introduced me to as his wife almost 11 years ago. We were having dinner at Goodfellos in Sackets Harbor, NY (margherita pizza and bruschetta - do they even serve anything else?) I'll never forget thst special moment, after such a long wait! Can we please make #oldmilspousemafia a thing? :)

PPS- Also, can I get some super cool wife points for remembering that? It's possible that I scheduled a trip over our anniversary without even realizing it... Sorry honey! But seriously, you have perhaps been away for one or two... Or, now that I've counted, all but 3... 😉

Sweet Summertime

I'm not sure Summer is really the time to check in on here and think "I should start blogging again!" but here we are...

I forgot how much I loved summer vacation last year. Not only is it nice to have all the kids home at once (Nash is in heaven!) but I LOVE that our schedule is largely our own. No school or activities up in the way of my fun. Let's go to lunch! Let's play in the pool! Let's just stay in our damn pajamas all day so there are literally five fewer outfits in the wash!

Erik's job leaves him without much time off, and so did the last one, and the one before that. But I always had a baby so I was just trying to survive. Now my baby is a toddler and we've got a life to lead! So this year... I decided if Erik couldn't take time off, I'd take my kids on vacation by myself. Then I turned chicken and asked my mom to come too. If you haven't considered taking a Grandma on vacation, I'd encourage you to get on that. It's is almost like taking a second mom. Except for when you bring a Grandma, and you're the mom, and there's no dad, you have to do all the crap the dad usually does- like mule in all the luggage, and go down to pick up dinner while the kids are being bathed. And drive instead of sleep on the way.

I don't like the idea of leaving Erik home alone to toil, but my kids won't be willing travel companions forever. We don't have many summers before they're too cool, or have jobs, or whatever. I hate the feeling that I'm effectively saying "Hey, sorry you have to work to provide us this beatuful life instead of joining us on a vacation that you're also providing for us." But he swears he wants us to go and do; and I've asked around to some other husbands of stay-at-home-mom's and they all say the same. So we went and we did. All the way back to Orlando!

Sea World was SERIOUSLY a bust. It was so commercial. Everything cost extra - games, some rides, WATER. We paid for the meal plan because I thought "It's going to be 110* outside, $30 for adults and $20 for the kids (to eat every hour if we choose) will be paid for in the amount we'd have spent on water!" Except WATER WASN'T INCLUDED. It's a 158* outside, but you could only drink milk or pop. What the heck, Sea World?!

We hung around in Orlando for a few days after that. We had breakfast with the Minions, and lunch another day at the T-Rex Cafe. Our hotel had a water park, but we didn't even go because my kids were in love with the freedom of the (shallow) pool. I had the time to teach Piper the basics of swimming and Grant finally got the hang of it too! Nash just drive his car on the side, but that's fine. They had THE BEST time.

Before heading home we went to The Crayola Experience. I can not say enough about this. For $15 per person, we got hands on activities, free souvenirs, a show, we got to name our own crayons, and design our own artwork. We could have spent twice as long there.

And can I just say that the drivers in Orlando are quite patient and easy-going? They are. I was nervous to drive in a new city, but it was nothing!

When I was a kid, we went on a vacation every year. It was never anything super extravagant. My parents would just take whatever was in their tax return that year, and we used that. I can remember several trips to neighboring states for hotel stays and amusement park adventures, baseball games and outlet mall shopping. And then as we got older we ventured farther away. We never flew, but we might have driven for 2 days to get to where we were going - and if we were lucky, my mom took the middle seat out of the minivan and laid down a foam mattress so we could sleep (hey, it was the nineties). Seriously, half the fun was in the car ride. My sister and I never got along at home, but I can remember making up secret handshakes and reading aloud to her from Tom Sawyer on the way to Tennessee one year. I can remember my mom ALWAYS making us eat at Shoney's because they had an extensive menu and kids ate free. I can remember my dad always encouraging us to select books from whatever gift shop we were in.

I want all that for my kids.

And maybe a little more than the memories of this particular trip, I loved showing my children (and P, especially) that you don't need your husband with you to do stuff, and you can do things even when you're nervous or uneasy. I hope when they're grown they know I really tried to make their summers special like my own parents did!

Thoughts About Things

1. God Almighty, can we just be done with the cold-shoulder everything? And the no waist line dresses and tops?

2. Does everyone's child want to sleep in their slippers? I'll let you take a minute to guess which one of mine does.

3. My neighbor grows lemon basil and brings me a jar when she has an overabundance. If you don't have a neighbor like this you are missing out. She's awesome and lemon basil is the reason I was born.

4. For awhile I was driving all the way to Savannah (about an hour) to pick up groceries instead of having to go in and fight with the kids. Then they got a pickup spot about 30 minutes away. NOW MY REGULAR GROCERY STORE HAS THIS SERVICE. I show up, call them, give them my name, and they bring out my crap and load the car. If you aren't doing this, I highly encourage you to stop the madness and just do it. Put a movie on. Go to Starbucks on your way. IT'S LIKE A VACATION.

5. Are anyone elses kids EATING ALL THE THINGS during summer break? Lord have mercy on our bank account.

6. It's 4 o'clock and I need to wake up Nash or he'll never sleep tonight. But the house is so quiet when only two kids are awake. It doesn't even matter which two kids. Two is just infinitely easier than three.

7. I have been getting random emails from the lady named Elaine for a few years. For awhile I thought they were spam. Sometimes recipes, sometimes pictures of her eating ice cream with her grandkids. Once an ad for a toddler race car bed on Craig's List and a note with her asking if so-and-so might like this. My email address is sheena.lastname but her emails were being sent to sheenalastname with no dot, so I don't even know how they were coming to me. But they were. And when I received one that made me think that she whomever her Sheena was weren't on great terms, I decided she probably wasn't a Nigerian phishing scammer and it was the right thing to reach out. I responded to one of her emails and told her that I'm not sure who she was trying to reach, but I didn't think they were reaching their intended destination. It turns out I have a Canadian name twin. The universe makes me laugh sometimes.

8. Do people still not wear seat belts? I saw a sign today reminding people to "Click it or Ticket" and I wondered if people really need that reminder? If you AREN'T already wearing your seatbelt out of habit, please start. Also, don't smoke, either. Just in case the common sense police haven't made it out your way yet.

9. I really need to think of two more things. Oh! Here's one! Give your 4 year old an hour and your shop vac. She can work wonders on the traveling cesspool that is your mini van.

10. I was honored to be asked to guest blog for a friend while she's on vacation. It got blogging back in my head. Look for that coming soon!

Independence Day Musings

I am always emotional on the 4th of July. Hyper-aware of the price of freedom, perhaps. Today, I encourage you to find a quiet place, say a prayer for peace for those who've lost someone, for those left behind by someone who gave their all that we might be free. And then do it again on July 5th. And August 5th. And September 5th. They feel the loss each day. And we should feel gratitude each day.

Because every day is Memorial Day. And every day is Independence Day. And thank you will never be enough.

The Santa Secret

Listen people. We need to talk.

Twice now, unattended children have waltzed right up to my kids at the park and either attempted to or full-on spilled the beans about Santa to them.

One kid (literally) said to my barely 4 year old "Piper, do you still believe in Santa?" and I about jumped out of my skin and down his punky throat.

The last time, the kids were at the park with a sitter and a friend of my oldest (whose a few years older) asked if he knew about "The Santa Secret." Our sweet sitter covered things fast, especially well considering that she doesn't have kids of her own yet, and I haven't been questioned, but I know it's coming.

Can we all just collectively agree that when we share the truth with our children, we reinforce how  important is it that they don't overshare with other children? Is that too much? I realize that, in the grand scheme, especially given life on an Army Post, that this isn't a huge deal, but for a mama's heart, and a kiddos Christmas joy, it is. We get MAYBE eight Christmases full of magic before the truth comes out. Don't let your kiddos spoil it for someone elses. ESPECIALLY IF THAT SOMEONE ELSE IS ONLY FOUR FREAKING YEARS OLD.

Thanks.