May Your Heart Be Light

Everyone knows the song Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas, but did you know there was an original version whose lyrics were changed because they were too depressing? Truly. They were changed after WWII to suggest the presence, not the absence, of loved ones. Given the era, I can absolutely understand why.

The original lyrics to the 4th verse are:

Through the years
We all will be together,
If the Fates allow
Until then we'll have to muddle through somehow
And have yourself A merry little Christmas now.

The first time I heard that version was Christmas of 2006, near (what we thought was) the end of Erik's first deployment. The mail had been stopped so we couldn't send gifts or (because they didn't really have access to a dining facility) anything to try to make a nice meal for them. It was very bittersweet, but I thought of them, in the cold mountains, muddling through...somehow - knowing that "from now on our troubles will be miles away" (at least until the next deployment, haha!) But it really, really spoke to me, and I've thought of the first time I've heard that song during every Christmas season since. It's kind of one of those "I remember right where I was when..." moments for me.

So now every time I hear the song, (and it's always the new version) I sing the old version to myself and remember. It still bring tears to my eyes. And I think about how grateful I am that there are folks willing to muddle through holidays away from their families for the sake of strangers. Strangers who, in my opinion (especially during this budget renegotiation on the backs of service members), aren't nearly grateful enough.

Judy Garland's wartime performances of "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" brought tears to the eyes of soldiers, sailors, and Marines - who didn't know if they'd live to see another Christmas - as Garland sang, "Someday soon we all will be together / If the fates allow / Until then we'll have to muddle through somehow / So have yourself a merry little Christmas now."
Read more at http://www.philly.com/philly/opinion/20131208_Beneath_those_songs_of_cheer__a_sad_heart.html#oHrlEwT3orOcJMq1.99

Judy Garland's wartime performances of "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" brought tears to the eyes of soldiers, sailors, and Marines - who didn't know if they'd live to see another Christmas - as Garland sang, "Someday soon we all will be together / If the fates allow / Until then we'll have to muddle through somehow / So have yourself a merry little Christmas now."
Read more at http://www.philly.com/philly/opinion/20131208_Beneath_those_songs_of_cheer__a_sad_heart.html#oHrlEwT3orOcJMq1.99

At the Mall

Then:
I was mad that when Soldiers died their spouses had to choose between receiving their retirement OR their life insurance benefits.

I was mad that whatever amount of money they chose to take was heavily taxed.

I was mad that (minor) children were paying taxes on money they inherited from dads they never met.

And I'm still mad. It seems so unfair.

Now I'm pissed.

The Bipartisan Budget Act passed last week and took with it any semblance of gratitude to our troops ever expressed by our elected leaders.

And I can't help but think that I, and a few other people I've seen chatter about this on Facebook, are the only ones who noticed. Why is no one as pissed off as I am?!

I'm not even mad about the fact that my family was just robbed of $124,000 over the course of my husbands retirement, or that now we're going to have to pay even more out of pocket if we ever choose not to live on post again. It's irritating, but both Erik and I know the budget has to be balanced and we're willing to do our part. Not that we really had a choice...

No, I'm mad because of what no one has talked about yet.

The bill that just took $124,000 out of my family piggy bank, just took $80,000-$120,000 out of the pockets wounded soldiers who had to be medically discharged because of their injuries. Additionally, it takes some of the same effects in the lives of folks who are living without their Soldier spouse or parent. That means, if you went to war and got your leg blown off, your retirement just got cut. If you kissed your husband goodbye and watched him get onto one of those damn buses that took him to a plane, the next time you saw him was in a body bag and the amount the government was paying you to somehow make up for the fact your spouse is DEAD just got cut.

For years Erik has been quoting something he read somewhere along the way "the military is at war, Americans are at the mall," and I didn't really believe him until now.

Here's a list of the leaders who voted to pass the budget bill, and cut military benefits in the process.

I'm hopeful everyone remembers this at election time. I know I certainly will.

And the Earth Stood Still: December 22, 2005

For a couple of months Erik had been hinting to me about what he bought me for Christmas.

• It was small
• Made mostly of metal
• He would only ever buy one for me
• Very gender specific

My friends and mom swore, but I didn't think so.

We had never even discussed marriage apart from a singular conversation during an episode of Animal Cops when it was decreed that when we get a pet we should get it from the pound. And once when we were in the early stages of dating when he said he wouldn't wear a wedding ring and I said I wouldn't marry someone who refused. That was it. "People discuss these things to death now-a-days, don't they?" I thought.

When I arrived at his apartment at Ft. Drum for a 16 day visit over Christmas, I waited until he went to work that next day and searched around a little. No dice. Oh well. Marriage was too scary. I was too young. And all the other "toos."

The next day we went to dinner and I told him I thought we should open our personal gifts to each other before heading to his parents house the following day. He said he didn't think so (even though we'd already discussed it beforehand). We got home, and I was pissed. I am a terrible gift giver and was a broke college student, and I didn't want my meager gifts broad casted in front of his family that I didn't know very well. Plus, I just like opening presents.

Finally he agreed. And he gave me a box.

It was definitely small. And light.

I unwrapped it. Moved the tissue and found a tiny pink Swiss Army Knife.

I was relieved and disappointed. I said "This is what you've been giving me hints about?!" (and it did fit all the hints...)

And when I looked up he was on his knee with a ring and said "No, this is."

And proposed.

Apparently I looked like a dear in headlights but somehow managed to squeak out a yes.

Over the next 18ish hours I tried desperately to reach my mom who was skiing in Colorado. I couldn't feel good about announcing the news to Erik's family if I couldn't tell my own mom! Finally, on the way to Erik's parent house she called me back. She was excited and asked to talk to Erik. I guess she asked him if I cried and when he said no, she asked to speak to me again and immediately asked me if I was sure.

The truth then was that I wasn't. I had spent an hour on instant messenger with my best friend the night before after Erik was asleep. Marriage was scary for this child of (multiple) divorce(s). I wasn't sure I'd be a good wife to him. I wasn't sure I was wife material for anyone. I couldn't iron. I couldn't cook. No. I wasn't sure at all. (yes, I know how silly all this sounds now. At the time though, not knowing how to cook seemed like a mountain that could never be climbed.) I wasn't unsure of him, I was unsure of myself. But he was sure and that counted for something. That counted for a lot.

Most importantly, I am definitely sure now.

"Papa Two Zebras"

Several months ago. I'm going to say like... April... Erik's dad went to Africa for a hunt.

They already have a zebra rug in their living room, which is about the most kid-proof floor covering on the planet, and he wanted a second one to make into a chair. Don't send me any letters people, it is what it is - and he didn't get one anyway.

The first time G asked to call Papa, I told him Papa was in Africa and we'd have to wait. He asked why Papa was in Africa and I said he was looking for a zebra. G reminded me that Papa already had a zebra on the floor, so I told him Papa wanted two zebras.

So then when he'd ask if he could call Papa, I'd say "Papa is in Africa. What's he doing there?" and G would say "Papa TWO zebras!!"

So when Papa came home from Africa, he brought G not one, but two stuffed zebras.

G was thrilled BUT he will NOT allow them to sleep in his bed with him (and the other 7870987 things he has to have in there), they must stay on the desk Erik refinished several years ago. If they move, he freaks out.

I'd pay money to be inside that kids head.

Bradford the Elf

I moved the Elf on Friday night.

But on Saturday I forgot.

And then on Sunday I forgot.

So Monday morning before getting G out of bed, Erik had to make a quick decision and this is where our Elf ended up.

Yes, that *is* the worlds largest bottle of vodka. It has to live a'top the fridge because it's too big to fit in the cabinet (seriously, it's the length of an adults arm). And I'm pretty sure the level of booze was above the K before Bradford got a hold of it.

Low Key Weekend

We had such a lovely, relaxed weekend this weekend, I can't help but share it.

Friday night was Erik's last late night of school work until mid-January. I think I've mentioned before that he's been working on his masters degree, and does all his work after work once we get the kids in bed. We barely see each other during the week apart from short daily meetings at the breakfast and dinner table where we referee and love on crying babies.

Saturday morning I let Erik sleep in and G and I got up and made Egg Nog pancakes (incredible, BTW! I just used the Pioneer Woman's recipe and replaced the milk with Nog, added a little extra milk and some nutmeg and cinnamon), bacon and eggs a la Grant (he's the best egg whipper around). Once Erik got up, we popped some champagne for mimosas and sat down to eat.

Saturday night we all (dogs included, for some reason) piled on the couch to watch The Polar Express. I'd never seen it, so I didn't know it was going to freak G out. He woke up in the middle of the night with bad dreams, presumably about the creepy puppet and the dude on top of the train, that he kept calling a ghost. We tried to tell him that we thought he was the Christmas spirit but he wasn't buying it. And seriously, where the hell did my kid hear about ghosts?!

Sunday was low key as well. We skipped church because the roads were absolutely wrecked and I drew the lucky sleep-in straw and Piper didn't get me up to eat until 10 (she'd eaten at 7). Man oh man I felt like a whole new person! We've been getting snow just absolutely dumped on us, so both Saturday and Sunday Erik and G went out to shovel the walkway and the driveway. G thinks that's playing in the snow. He has a little shovel and he totally helps Erik get the areas clean. Hey, if it works for him, it works for us!

Sadly for us, Erik went back to work today, though since the university is on break, I don't think they'll be very busy. His parents come Thursday to celebrate an early Christmas with us, before we're on our own for the actual holiday. This is the first year G is really "getting" Christmas, and I'm so excited!

5 Reasons I Cloth Diaper

1. Let's get to the nitty gritty right off the bat - I have fewer poop dealings. A)Because cloth diapers "blow out" far, far less (if ever), B) Exclusively breast-fed baby poop is water-soluble so I can just throw the poopy diaper and whatever wipes I needed in the washer. Rinse, wash, rinse, dry. Bam.

2. They're insanely cheap in comparison to disposables. In one more month, we'll make back all the money I spent buying top of the line organic cotton cloth diapers (initially... - meaning, excluding the $100ishhhhh I spent on Black Friday on diapers I don't have to do anything with but pull out of the dryer) by not having to buy disposables. And this with still having her in disposables at night (that were buy 1 box, get one box free during P's I'm-too-tired-to-think-about-snaps newborn phase) - so I've spent a grand total of $25 on disposable diapers for P in her lifetime. I haven't bought ANY diapers for either child since early-August. I feel like a millionaire! (and YAY potty training!!!)

3. A freshly laundered basket of diapers is the best feeling ever. It's like the relief of having a new box of diapers. For free. And without having to hassle with going to the store or breaking open the box (because where the hell are the scissors when you need them?) and forcing open the plastic wrap.

4. My baby's Carbon Footprint is less than your baby's Carbon Footprint. Unless you consider the heater that we have to constantly run now, but I guess that's with all babies in winter...

5. Holy crap are they cute. At first I thought people who liked "fluffy butts" had some issues. They make P's clothes lay funny and that irritates me - HOW can people find this cute? Now I know they just meant the print (or, at least I do). Plain old Elmo printed Pampers are lame. P's Hula Girl pocket diaper is where it's at!

A fresh "box" of diapers. Note the cute Hula Girl diaper in the top left. :)

RIP Ocean Wonders Baby Swing

A few days ago, our baby swing died.

We weren't too sad. It was a hand-me-down from before we had G, and it was battery operated. The batteries we went through per child ran us more than just buying a new swing, but if you don't already know this about us, we're pretty frugal when it comes to "things," we'd rather pay for experiences - this is why we've lugged what I estimate to be a 15 year old, non-matching washer and dryer set all over the country.

But the swing death left us unprepared and I went through 2 of the hardest days with P since she came home. That girl NEEDS her swing for her long mid-morning to early afternoon nap. NEEDS. The first day, she just didn't take the nap at all. So that was awesome... The second day, I literally rocked her for 4 hours. I didn't mind, but it kind of threw me off my rhythm and I haven't really been in the mood to do any naptime housework since (that's my story and I'm stickin' to it).

But the internet came to the rescue and a "mere" 36 hours later, a new swing was sitting on our snow covered porch. I opened the door and exclaimed "thank you, Jesus!"

Now, I told you all that, to tell you this:

I've cancelled Christmas.

There is nothing G could possibly enjoy more than the box the swing came in. He spends HOURS in it a day. It's already starting to come apart at the seams and I'm thinking about fixing it. Yeah, it's a huge box in my living room, but it contains all our main floor toys and they aren't scattered all over anymore. Plus, it's brown, and that kind of goes with our color scheme.

The Elf on the Shelf

For a long time I thought that the idea of the Elf on the Shelf was just plain creepy (um, because it is!) but Erik suggested we get one in order to help Grant behave a little better - because our attempts were most definitely falling short.

So we put in our order for an Elf (either from Santa or Barnes and Noble, believe what you like) and the Saturday after Thanksgiving he showed up, bringing with him a special breakfast to kick off the season.

We ate our snowball donuts and yogurt parfaits, and read the book that the Elf brought with him and gave him a name - Bradford! (Since he came to join our family while we live in Bradford). He also brought along a Santa blanket, because the one G has is as tattered as tattered can be. Those $5 Walmart blankets aren't meant to be washed.

Pink Fluff

My mom came to spend Turkey Day with us. Two days before the big day, we took in another family from Erik's office who had their Thanksgiving plans foiled by the storm (I literally had to send Erik out to buy another turkey!) So we had a great group, with extra kids for G to torment play with. I love spending holidays with friends as well as family. Sometimes, we don't put out our best for holiday meals when it's just family (or is that just me?) so I like to have friends around so I feel compelled to make things extra special (and not cheesy when I do so). Plus, something about the Army lifestyle makes me feel like holidays aren't compete without friends around to share it with.

 

Before my mom came I got lots of work done, including making pie crust 3 times because it just wasn't coming together right. I have an observation on that front, by the way: organic flour in your pie crust is useless when the recipe calls for 1/2 C Crisco. Food for thought.

 

 But I digress. I got as much prep work done as I could the day before, but I saved Pink Fluff for my mom to make with G. He's a bit of a pro already and my moms Fluff always tastes better than my own (turns out it's because she drains her pineapple tidbits better than I do).

 

 

 

Pink Fluff is a holiday table staple for me (and now for Erik, I think - he was disappointed when we were already out on Friday) and I think G has picked up the torch as well. And seriously, what are we going to do without that pull out cutting board for G to work at when we move?

The Snow Came Back

A few (two, maybe?) days before Thanksgiving, 6 inches of snow came our way.

 

Erik came home early from work and went out to shovel the driveway. I woke G up from his nap and asked him if he wanted to go help. He looked at me, held up his hands and said "I lost my mitt-tens!" Haha!

So we found them.

 

And he said "My mitt-tens! I love my mitt-tens!"

 

And then he got to work!

 

 

Thankful

I'm pretty far behind.

My mom was here last week, and I've said before that it's hard to get time on the actual computer when Erik is doing his coursework. I just can't stand to try to type more than a paragraph on my tablet.

So anyway, a few weeks before Thanksgiving, we sat down in the entry way of our house (where we do all projects that need to be done while Piper is sleeping - like pumpkin decorating) and wrote out the things that we're thankful for.

There were the obvious ones: A warm house, a good job, Mom, Dad, Pipes, Grant, Grandparents; but there were also some unexpected ones: clouds, these leaves (in reference to the leaves I had cut out of construction paper that we were using to write our gratitude on) and ambulances.

We then hung the leaves on a ribbon and hung it up in the dining room to remind us of everything we have to be so thankful for. I think G was a little too small to really pick up on the activity but it was a good exercise for Erik and myself if nothing else. We have so much to be grateful for, all year 'round.

3 Months

Late again, of course...

Giving Tuesday

As you know, I'm a huge proponent of Black Friday (I stayed up until 1AM to save $10 on a diaper sprayer), Small Business Saturday and Cyber Monday. I cheap-out all year until this weekend, where I put the pedal to the medal on things I've been wanting to buy but couldn't justify spending our money on. You may not know this about me, but I RARELY pay full price for things besides groceries (and that's just because I can't fully get the knack for couponing - but I try!). I'd rather spend my money on experiences than things. So I cyber-shop all weekend and I love when the packages start rolling in. I'm a real instant gratification type girl, so waiting for my half price (or greater) goodies is hard. I get excited, even when I know the packages aren't for me (and they often aren't...)

Everyone picks on Black Friday shoppers for "trampling" people for bargains on new things when just the day prior (Thanksgiving), everyone was going around the table giving thanks for the things they already have. It's not like that for me. I don't go trampling people for a cheap TV. We have one. it's not great, but we have it, it's paid for, and it's going to stay on our TV stand until it dies. Again. Because we had it fixed the first time. (This is the same reason we have - literally - a fifteen year old washer and dryer set - but not pair, because they don't match).

BUT at the end of my cyber-shopping-spree comes GIVING TUESDAY, and I LOVE Giving Tuesday. I love that I married someone who loves giving to charity as much as I do - especially since he's the sole breadwinner right now. I love helping!

The first year we were married, Erik and I picked 3 kids off an Angel Tree and bought them toys. We painstakingly chose for each little one, refusing to buy things we thought weren't positive (like Bratz dolls - what the collective heck was up with those?!). We really had fun together and felt good about having spent the money. So we made it a tradition that I have carried on, even during the holidays which he is away. It's amazing what a couple bucks and few minutes can do for your soul.

So, if you're feeling gifty here are a few charities that I'm thinking about this year (and they're legit):

www.AZBrainfood.org - Brain Food discreetly provides underprivileged kids a backpack full of food to eat on the weekends when they don't have access to a school cafeteria.

http://santascause.net/About_Us.html - Delivering Christmas gifts to needy kids in Oklahoma City, OK

http://www.saltwaterchallenge.org/ - Send one of our Wounded Warriors on an all expenses paid trip to Martha's Vineyard to participate in a fishing tournament!

Don't have any extra this year? Not to worry! Go on over to http://www.volunteermatch.org/ and find somewhere you can give a few hours of your time! You get more than you give!

Or, if nothing else fits with your lifestyle, just pack up some stuff you don't need anymore and lug it over to the Salvation Army or Goodwill. All some kids get at Christmas is new-to-them toys. Help give their parents a good selection!

I LOVE Giving Tuesday!