wait
–verb (used without object)
1. to remain inactive or in a state of repose, as until something expected happens
Tomorrow begins the several weeks I have deliberately crammed full of things to keep me busy and make the days go fast as I count down to redeployment. Tomorrow, my great friend Carmen and her little ones come back from an extended trip to the mainland. Saturday is a meeting with my coffee group and a roller derby/dinner/after-party event with some girls from work. Sunday is up in the air but I think it involves mopping - and best of all, KATIE ARRIVES late in the day. Monday I'm off, and the weeks that follow hold about a million other things. And I'm thinking about reading Twilight again...
I suppose the truth is that while I hated having to say goodbye to Erik and spending the last year without him, it's been good for me. I've learned a lot (like how to mow the grass), I've done a lot and God knows I have stepped WAYYYY out of my comfort zone. And it's just a good feeling to know that when he has to leave again, it'll be okay. I was very nervous about this deployment because we weren't married during the first one, we hadn't ever lived together, we only knew separation - this time, I knew his absence would be much more noticeable. It's good to know that a deployment doesn't break our stride (too much).
I've been thinking about Ft. Drum lately. Melissa and I discussed this once, and we both have a very romanticized view of Drum and we think it's because we moved there solely to be nearer to our (now - and then in her case) husbands - the one thing we had waited on for so long. I recently realized that I don't think I'm going to have a whole romantic view of Hawaii. I feel more *me* here than I did there. I have a life here. I like it here. In New York, I was a girl who was waiting on a boy, waiting in limbo for my life to really get going. Here I don't feel like I'm waiting for something, I'm waiting on someone; but I don't know that I'd even classify it as waiting because by definition, I'm not "waiting". It's more like ... I'm saving his seat (I do NOT mean this in the negative way I feel like it could be interpreted!). I feel like I have this whole life built up around me, different from what it was before Erik left, and I'm sad that he couldn't be here while it was coming together but I really can't wait to share it with him. I've felt rather nomadic over the past 4 years or so, but I feel like I have a home base here now, and that's a great feeling. I hope that he can be here long enough to begin to feel this way too.
Today at work one of the ladies asked when Erik would be home. I was far too excited to say "not much longer now"...
Tune in this weekend for a special "anniversary" post.
That was a really great blog. It really hit the nail on the head how I felt about Drum. I really felt "at home" there and that it was where I belonged. However since moving here to OKC I've really come to realize that the place doesn't matter, it's all about being with who you love.
ReplyDeleteI know you're super excited and hope that these last few weeks fly by for you.
I am so glad you are in the home stretch!
ReplyDeleteI understand what you are saying about HI because honestly, I feel that way about AK. I feel more at home here than I felt at Drum. I love Drum because I had 'the crew' but I didn't feel at home in the house per say. I love where we live, the house, the neighbors and just the overall feeling of being at peace. Here I feel like I too am hitting my stride.
It is weird to think that I am building a life here in AK without Aaron. We were only here a little over a month before he left. I found my church and all my friends after he left. I can't wait for him to come home and meet them all and enjoy AK with me.
It is weird to think that for the first time I made friends who didn't know Aaron and I didn't meet them through him. I will be taking him to fun restaurants/store and showing him the 'town' instead of the other way around.
Good luck these next few weeks!