There’s a Train Coming Nightly Called When All Is Said And Done

My family is still struggling with the loss of my Aunt Dona – and I know we will for quite some time. One of my cousins (from my other aunt) put it best when he said that we never realized how much we would miss her. And when we did it was too late. We should have had more time with her. My maternal grandfather also died in his fifties (my mom, and my aunts father) of emphysema. That’s two people from two separate generations of my family that died when they had only met middle age. Big eye-opener.

Never again make the mistake of thinking I have 70 more years on this Earth. For all I know I could die tomorrow. If I have learned anything it is that you NEVER know. Seriously Blogland, my aunt wrote on my facebook at 10AM her time and was gone by noon. She had NO idea she was in the last hours of her last day on Earth, and neither did we. And chances are, we’ll never get over the “should haves” and “would haves” and “if onlys”. As such, I have made it my personal mission to avoid the chances of having “should haves” and “if onlys” when faced with this situation next time. No longer will I harbor animosity toward people and situations that I can not change. No longer will I be (somewhat) miserly with money, carefully justifying all large purchases ultimately talking myself out of most of them, funneling all extra into savings for a “rainy day” (well, to an extent). No longer will I obsess about what I could have done or should have done differently in a situation that is past and I can’t change. There were be no more “I’ll get around to it’s” (only about fun things though, not lame things I wouldn’t mind not having done if I died tomorrow – Hahah!), or “somedays”. Because I may not have another day to get around to it.

I have made myself a bucket list and I’m going to complete it. Some items are abstract, things that I’ll have to work on every day. Some things are concrete – places to visit, things to do. And some things are complete lifestyle and attitude changes.

The aforementioned cousin posted the following on Dona’s wall and I think it not only sums her up perfectly but also sums up what her death taught him (and all of us). These are his goals – these are MY goals.

I want to be more like you. I want to love and support my family like you did. I want to be known for my work ethic like you were. I want to be reliable and consistent like you were. I want to be adored by my children like you are. I want to be loved by my spouse like you are. I want to leave the kind of mark on my community that would bring 600 people to my grave side on a week day with tears in their eyes to celebrate my life. You set an incredible example and left big shoes for all of us to fill. I will be a better man because of the life you lived and the inspiration I get from you... I will be a better person because of the life you lived and the inspiration I get form you.

Tomorrow is a big day as Erik takes his battery command. Hopefully my next post will be much more upbeat. :)