There is the feeling that I can't begin to put into words. A feeling that overcomes you when you know that your significant other is coming home to you after months and months and months away. And it's funny that I wrote it as them "coming home to you" because if I had to put the feeling into words, I would say that to me it feels like I myself am coming home.
Admittedly, I think I felt that feeling alot more strongly when Erik was coming home from Afghanistan versus when he came home from Iraq. They were two wholly different experiences, for both of us. And the end of his OEF deployment was the beginning of our life together, so it seems to be a huge turning point in my life though at the time I don't think I really recognized it. Isn't that always the way though?
I think I spent a lot of time thinking about Erik's first deployment in preparation for the last one, because it was all I knew. Eventually, I happily found out that there was no need to prepare myself in such a way. However, now that Afghanistan is in our future once again and people around me have begun asking questions about his experiences and in turn mine, I find myself thinking about it more and more. I came across the blog I kept when Erik and I first started dating, up until the time we got married and then my life got crazy with moving (and I forgot the password) and I just stopped writing. Aside from being a little embarrassed at how whiny I seemed to be at points (and I don't remember being that way outwardly, but...), it really transported me back nearly five years to a life that is so different from the one I'm leading now, it was like reading about someone else.
Anyway, I told you all that to tell you this: I've done some reasearch and found that one of the great things about deployments (and yes, I believe there are at least a few amazing things) is that if you really work at it, it can make you closer to your partner than you ever were when they're home. Another positive is that sometimes, when you are married, you aren't as kind/considerate/understanding/you-name-it as you could be. It's not purposeful, but it is what it is. When you are left alone for a few months, you really start to reexamine how you could do things differently, how you wasted time being snippy or being pissed about someone not taking out the trash (Who? Me?!). Who else can say that they get to push the reset button this way? Of course, the trade off for having this time of personal introspection is to be apart for a year at a time, but we'll just put that little factoid to the side...
Admittedly, I think I felt that feeling alot more strongly when Erik was coming home from Afghanistan versus when he came home from Iraq. They were two wholly different experiences, for both of us. And the end of his OEF deployment was the beginning of our life together, so it seems to be a huge turning point in my life though at the time I don't think I really recognized it. Isn't that always the way though?
I think I spent a lot of time thinking about Erik's first deployment in preparation for the last one, because it was all I knew. Eventually, I happily found out that there was no need to prepare myself in such a way. However, now that Afghanistan is in our future once again and people around me have begun asking questions about his experiences and in turn mine, I find myself thinking about it more and more. I came across the blog I kept when Erik and I first started dating, up until the time we got married and then my life got crazy with moving (and I forgot the password) and I just stopped writing. Aside from being a little embarrassed at how whiny I seemed to be at points (and I don't remember being that way outwardly, but...), it really transported me back nearly five years to a life that is so different from the one I'm leading now, it was like reading about someone else.
Anyway, I told you all that to tell you this: I've done some reasearch and found that one of the great things about deployments (and yes, I believe there are at least a few amazing things) is that if you really work at it, it can make you closer to your partner than you ever were when they're home. Another positive is that sometimes, when you are married, you aren't as kind/considerate/understanding/you-name-it as you could be. It's not purposeful, but it is what it is. When you are left alone for a few months, you really start to reexamine how you could do things differently, how you wasted time being snippy or being pissed about someone not taking out the trash (Who? Me?!). Who else can say that they get to push the reset button this way? Of course, the trade off for having this time of personal introspection is to be apart for a year at a time, but we'll just put that little factoid to the side...
And the very best thing about having to say goodbye, is getting to say hello again.
I couldn't agree more! I have yet to experience a deployment to Afghanistan but I understand the new found appreciation for one another after being apart. Everything (like your trash example) seems so trivial. I too love a good hello :)
ReplyDeleteI love the way you desribed things, and it has really set my mind at ease, and I just adore those two pictures of you and Erik! Adorable!
ReplyDelete