Letter to 16-Year Old Sheena

Hi,
Listen, you really need to get those speeding tickets under control. In a few years, you are going to find yourself getting pulled over in a small town on your way to pay a speeding ticket that you got in that very spot a few weeks earlier. It is embarrassing when you ask the cop doing the pulling over for directions to pay your other ticket. He does not take pity on you, either.

Also, I don't care what anyone says, these are not the best years of your life. Senior year is fun and all, but the best years are college, and chances are high that the people who truly believe their high school years were the best have peaked.

That boy you think is the greatest thing since sliced cheese, the one you can't imagine NOT knowing for the rest of your life - well, you will. But it's not in the way you think. When you break up, don't burn the bridge - you'll be friends for over decade more (I can only speak to age 28 at this point). Also, the boy you come quite close to marrying later is NOT the boy you should marry. And you need to thank your lucky stars that you figured it out sooner rather than later. Learn the lessons that every girl learns after she gets cheated on (like which cocktails are her favorite) and burn that bridge as quickly as you can. When you do, the boy you ARE going to marry walks right through your door - before you even know you're ready.

I know you won't listen, but your first year of college would have been a lot more exciting if you had dumped the aforementioned crappy boyfriend. But don't worry, you more than make up for it during your second. During your third year of college, you find yourself (for awhile) and your life-long friends. And while we're on this topic : get your masters right after college. You'll think you don't have time because you're getting married in the spring, but as fate would have it - you DO have time. And you still get married.

Sadly, you're going to lose someone earlier than you could have ever anticipated. When you move far away from everyone, don't neglect going home because it's too costly. Go happily. Go often. You'll need it later, and you'll be sorry if you don't.

When you start to think about getting a second dog - don't. Seriously. Don't.

Above all, and this is pretty callous, but stop worrying so damn much about people's feelings. The sad truth is that you spend more time on theirs than they (generally) spend on yours.

Love,
You

PS - Your kid is stinking adorable.