Thursday, August 9, 2018

Schrödinger's Donut

I wrote this last month but forgot to publish:

Yesterday morning I took my kids for donuts, because they asked me to.

I have to say no to so much all the time that during the summer, without school playing the monkey on our backs, I say yes to as much as I can. Stay up late watching a movie? Yes. Milkshakes for dinner? Yessir. Extra tablet time? Yep. A second Popsicle while they're outside running their hearts out? Yep. Buy ALL the books? YES! Donuts? Yep, go get in the car.

Here's what though.

This family DRIVES THROUGH. Piper was like 3 before she learned you could GO INSIDE EATING ESTABLISHMENTS. My kids is loud. My kids is noisy. My kids is too hard to keep control of while we wait. I am of the belief that people go out to eat to get away from children, I will not put my kids on them. So we drive through, unless it's lunch, then sometimes we go in. But real honestly, it has only been super recently that I would take all 3 in somewhere by myself. Two of them are just too much, and unfortunately, the third has to pay the price.

ANYWAY

We're pulling into the line at our friendly neighborhood Dunkin' (#nootherchoicesintown) and there's a mom getting her kid out. Then out pops another kid. Then another. Then I see her strapping another kid on her back. AND THEN THEY WENT INSIDE. I wanted to holler out "Get it, girl!!!" like I do when I see my friends out running, because like running, that was about to be a FEAT, but I decided she might think I was a jerk or something, so I didn't.

We get a few car lengths up in the line and my kids start fussing about this or that, and I said if they didn't stop, we'd go home. Obviously an empty threat as we were locked in, but the quieted down for a minute and started singing along to the VBS CD. (Sidenote: is anyone else going to die before next summers VBS for a new CD? Where do I get another Jesus Kids KidzBop-esque CD? Why is this the ONLY MUSIC ON THE PLANET THAT EXISTS TO MY CHILDREN??!?!?!??!?!?!?!) I pull up and order "May I please have a half dozen assorted frosted donuts with sprinkles?"

And then it happens. Fighting over who gets what color frosting.

"MOM! I said I wanted a pink one! YOU DIDN'T ORDER A PINK ONE!"

"Piperrrr..... I'm going to eat the pink one....."

"MOM! Gwant got the pink donut last time and now he's going to get it this time and I want the pink donut!!!!"

"MOM! Piper got half the pink one last time, I swear! And I don't even want the pink, I want the chocolate!"

"Too bad, Gwant, I'm going to eat the chocolate."

"MOM! I just called the chocolate one and now Piper said she's going to eat it! I called it! I called the chocolate!"

MOM! Gwant said he'd take the pink so that's why I said I'd take the chocolate! I really just want pink!!!"

"You guys. WE DO NOT EVEN HAVE THE DONUTS IN OUR HANDS YET TO KNOW WHAT COLORS ARE AVAILABLE TO CHOSE FROM. Stop fighting."

Y'all. It's like Schrodinger's Donut up in here. Until we open the box, do the donuts we want even exist? Are they there? Are they not? Are they pink? Are they chocolate? Are they both? Are they neither?

Does this exist? Do I? Do you? Is this chicken or fish?

I had to threaten children twice just to drive through. And that woman took her kids in. She even had more than me! God bless her.


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