Flying Alone

Last weekend I went by myself (ALONE! QUIETLY, WITH ONE CARRY ON BAG - FOR MYSELF!) to DC for the weekend - more on that later. To visit some girlfriends from Hawaii that just moved to town, and to see Erik's sister and our brother-in-law. (Sidenote, to call Mike "our" brother-in-law isn't exactly accurate. Mike is Erik's brother-in-law because Andrea is his sister, Andrea is MY sister-in-law, but I have no idea what Mike is to me. Because, according to the internet, he's only Erik's BIL. Strange, huh? I (obviously) digress...)

Annnyyyywayyyy....

Since I was traveling alone I had time to make some observations that I wouldn't ordinarily get to make. I kept notes. Here they are.

4:12PM - Leave sunglasses at security check point. Have no distractions to blame idiocy on.

5:09PM - Go to Coffee Beanery. Realize I have no idea what to order because I've lived in a place without a coffee shop for 2 years. Ask for something caramel-y and caffieinated. Drink happily, in silence, without explaining why I can't share.

5:13PM - Check facebook. Laugh a little too loudly at this on Erik's facebook:
Half an hour into the mom-free weekend:
Me: Grant, what are you doing with that stick?
Grant: Dad, mom let's me hit things with a stick all the time.
5:20PM - Begin boarding. Simply get up, throw out empty coffee cup and get in line. No babies to grab, no double check to make sure all our possessions are collected.

5:22PM - Walk past the gate check area. Do not drop off a stroller.

5:23PM - Walk past dude in first class chatting on his phone. Hear him telling his buddy "Yeah! We can totally go! We just put the baby in her little sling thing and she goes right to sleep. Having a baby is so much easier than I thought!" and think "I should smack him one on behalf of his wife", but instead I keep walking.

5:35 - Hear child cough. Realize it's not mine. Sigh in gratitude that I don't have a sick kid. Close eyes and consider a nap.

Sometime during the flight - Drink service begins, guy in seat catty-corner from me orders Pringles and begins eating them concave side up. "Who eats Pringles like that?!" I think. Man pops another chip. "Everyone knows you put the concave side to your tongue and press them up to the roof of your mouth to crush them. He pops another. I watch, like a person watches an animal at the zoo. He hears my thoughts, begins eating Pringles correctly. Then, starts eating them wrong again! He must be rotating them in his hand as they are raised to his mouth, after all, they're all the same direction in the can. Immediately realize I sound fucking crazy and stop watching. Also, reevaluate my decision to blog about this little timeline.

During Pringles Debacle of 2014: Excessively drunk (stinking of cheap booze) seatmate begins to snore and drool. Poor guy. I really shouldn't have asked if I could just scoot in to the window seat. He probably needed that little big of privacy.

After Pringles Debacle: Begin reading. Read 50 pages UNINTERRUPTED by anything.

6:55PM - Arrive. Cruise right past the poor shmucks picking up their strollers at the gate check. Catch escalator down to baggage claim behind a dad and his probably-about-5-year-old whose hand he is not holding. Notice wedding ring. Think "her mother would be displeased if she knew her kid was bouncing around on the escalator".

7:00PM - Meet friend. Fun ensues!